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Dear upfront Brithday for ya, not that i would be much of celebrater of that all.

I stil lcan not get the point how come You womens are these kind, that just all the promices and understanding baout keeping hearts and frinedships for life.. will be so easily forgetten ,
i just blame aliens, more easy :p

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzcNRkJgAtw

minud the star

and now that plays

after traveling many places nd countris and homes.. i am again in that coch where we was and i am happy to be, and agree, this is good couch, cute

this is backround song when out of 43 thousand songs started to play, when desiding to write , that

anyway... probably You think a bit other way on it.. but just wonder whats You thinking if You do..

and hey.. yes.. what about that You made .. perhaps am a bit more smarter now .. a bit : )

and another question, how you see Bukowski (have not jet read hes poems proper but think they are..), and Transgressive, pulp fiction genre... how that helped or demolished the proper way f thinking of wolds?

You know me.. am more of thinking, these kind of mass productions in last century was for ... inflating to human life of many good kinds.. by future planners so there would be more problematic generations and weaker ill nation to suppress under all kind of rules and make the people please for cures... so what was taken away can be given back with a price.. and orders.. and .. hmm...

something like that, as i think these genres was not so much in to farming secrets, spiritual life, shamanism or other beneficial knowledge's and thinking's that humans need..

Hey Dear,

Two questions, You made one movie clip ..art work..about us when ... but where that got? Am wonder... would be much nicer to re-see all that in newer mind

Congratiulations for the Grammy award !

Do Ya liked her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fczPlmz-Vug&list=RDthQd1KYCgKU&index=27

good one: http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Ayin/ayin.html

and if you ask me, am ready me?
Sometimes

Would You want to be with me if that becomes possible ?
Intimitelly or near by intimite

Am just had this spark of idea, ...was searching some answer from the requirements in my mind and map them in spiral around my life and life possibilities and in pretty near of beginning You poped up with this cute old couch that was in my place and walks in nature of Your place to the drives in bus of (eu place? :D )

Am just need to radiate my feelings on to someone who is as near of what is in my imagination (well, actually something realer uut just like to hype this word as that givest best a di..) ohh.. to much wrtting perhaps ?
Had only plan to jump in and ask this one sentence as it is OK one and other way but would be silly not to ask as long am not know,
and if am would know to be no chance (to be good, needed) then would obwiously not ask at all : )

there is just few things that freak me on this entire thing but these bother not so much for the beginning of that what am need, well, still
just wanted to know for staters are You awailable to team up (as maybe that is selfish, besides imagination how good that all will be to everyone, but am my self need some wisenes next to me to start up my grouth.. to do up and be on of all mentioned in Your place as well, so ya source of wisdom You are, almoust be on doubt )
: )

But yea, remeber you told me going there one day for learning.

Is there something yo ucan share that is not in the blog ?

aaargh yo uloose your hair, thats gay :D

Who is better Roman Polanski or Stanley Kubrick
for giving humans movies they need?

What is better mad movie with more insight to proper spiritual and life matters.. working on it ..
( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120663/ )
( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0142688/ )

Nice blog we found http://blog.swiatoslaw.com/?p=8278

You like this ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5Wo9Vbnkzdg

Wou!

Great dream.. what did it mean thought in ur mind ? Do u remember to think about anything there

You were in my dream! I can't remember it in details but for sure we met and we were muted (as in a mute film scene) because it was against the reality laws to talk while my letter was unanswered...

Then we saw a big McDonald's restaurant on the sea shore and a cartoon cruise ship full of American WASPs and it turned out that the boat was not engine-driven but they used illegal immigrants to drive it. So there were dozens of men of all skin colors who were in the life belts attached to the ship and they were swimming hard to make the boat move. But it was raining and the sea was stormy and freezing and once by once they sank in the sea so that only a few of them managed to drive the boat back to the shore. We were swimming with them, it was really difficult. Suddenly we realized that the boat was greated by the crowd on the shore who entertained itself by watching our sad efforts. We eventually made it to the shore just to realize that the other exhausted immigrants silently went straight to the back door of the McDonalds to serve there.

Wou, supper (you!),
will answer a bit later

just wanna tell ya that just happen to download this carton and few others from him hours before you send me message..hmm.. :)

Hi, Margus, my dear! sorry for not replying at once, but I really wanted to make it quite longer letter. Actually I've been talking about You to my friends recently :) We went to Animated Film Festival in Poznań (PL) and met Priit Pärn, an Estonian film-maker, the craziest guy. Please watch this video "Divers in the Rain", it's about the lovers who are constantly disturbed by the monotonous chores they filled their live with. So the message is - don't be distracted and turn to what's the most important. That's how I understand the movie.
And I feel I did it right with my life so far. I've met a man who is wise and loving and we live together in Warszawa. We read and write poems and come up with ideas for experiment movies but what we like most is just lying hugged. He works in the Foundation for freeing authorship rights (they support Creative Commons). I study Graphic Design & Literature. But recently I've been working for some guys from Warsaw Poets society (they're not organized, just a few names leads to the others). I do visual stuff for them, quite unusual, illustrations to poems, layouts, video to poems, so I can merge my design skills and love for poetry. Some of my poetic pieces were published so I feel I do what I love. ANd I draw and draw and draw, usually capturing nice and funny punchlines my friends say while talking about their lives. And I'm an editor in the literary magazine.
So quite a few tgings to do now. I feel I will do something right and I will manage to change a thing. That would me best.
Now tell me how are You, my dear, still in London and what keep you there, dear?

Hugs!
Ola

..mm hope am have not been to remote (know am kind of am for sure but what do do about this)

ur thoughts and all is welcomed as u know at anytime u feel u wanna share.. :)

Hows ur number? (mine still..07719980382 .. or+44771..)

Can they go outside of Tallinn as well?
Actually... not sure who can we direct them.,. as my self in london still

Hey, Margus, two friends of mine (or rather nice friends of one of my best friends, anyway, decent and crazy ppl) are staying in Tallinn tomorrow and one night more (meaning New Year's Eve) and they look for a place to stay& sleep & party, can You take them under your protecting wings? :)

You know... its like... (unknown) Mag .. who have not get magic working jet...


thats how kind of feel..

jeah
but its like that
for a little while...

god knows what comes after that

Hey Margus, I'm just reading documentaries from Russia and there is this talk with local sailors in Murmansk who claim that they do not sell fish for the people in Murmansk anymore because taxes are too high. So some of them catch fish and then sail to Norway to sell it. Others just make appointments with Norwegian boats and meet them on the sea, sell them fish, and go back to Murmansk. And in Murmansk people cant stand to buy fish no more. And well, it is so so absurd, so bad and one just start to think - why the hell should we have taxes, why the hell states? Why can't we just live our local lives and if you are a sailor, then you just go to the sea and catch a fish and feed your family and why such an abstract power as so-called state should have anything in it?

... will be back soon actually with all i really wanted to say, write, etc :)

And no idea how this come to my browser but found this link: http://www.amazon.com/Metalanguage-Translation-Benjamins-Current-Topics/dp/9027222509/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1333309812&sr=8-1 about metalanguage analysis... hmm.. any whorth?

lol, comment on albul - "how ironic, banned in germany"

(thetrack metropolis)
http://thequietus.com/articles/03472-from-neu-to-kraftwerk-football-motorik-and-the-pulse-of-modernity

Sufjan was pretty good find.. i kind of have heard it.. but then it went away again

Most likelly u know.. but do you knowe them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69xUOO9Dyus

Thank You Thank You Thank You Ola... was only thing that come to my mind while pressing play.. after reading the most good from the screen .. thank you!

I can just say one... after moving from my apartment - there was one idem in room i specially did not want to leave behind.. the old, wise sofa .. she is with me now :)

Hey Margus, so funny it was facebook that forced me to write to you buuuut it is your birthday so -

I am closing my eyes and want to think about You, Margus, my dear, and eventually I can see the darkness and the space, the space is dark at first but then I notice a star or is it the Earth? and now I feel I AM in the space, I AM actually there so it means I'm falling really fast on the Earth's orbit, I am accelerating around the Earth and still I feel so light, my internal organs have no weight, my head has no weight and I'm starting to see the colours, the stars are purple and there is golden ash all around me and I dont want to go back to the Earth and I want to tell it to someone, tell it to You, Margus, I know You gave yourself to the Outer Space and you would feel euphoric if you were there beside me, in this darkness and speed.

I feel it was the moment you could feel as well.
Hugs from me, Margus, keep falling in the space.

And a song for You today!

Huggs huggs Huggs!

:)

Just fast note that i got your mssage here :)

I am not in internet as of now jet...
but i can be sms ed when u write here, so i know to come and read.. +37253518240

- nono, not living with german girl (jet.:P ), i got it expressed wrong i guess. Will talk more about it later on.



If you like, then it's great bdw :)

hey hon quick reply from my side cause i i have a flu or something and feel rather feverish - which is not so definitely bad, ofc. it's just a different overview of things. i have really awesome dreams, quite exhausting, but kind of visionary. i dont take any medecines, just hot tea, honey, lemon, milk and stay in bed. i let my organism struggle with that. but i feel so tireeed and can't really concentrate, so sorry for not really replying irectly to Your message cause i cant focus on that - i can only remember that Kadri moved away and You live with a German girl? how is that? what do you mean by 'a life on your own'?

yes, and i remember that just right after I read you mentioning that when u think about sth, you call it come - then suddenly sth prooved your point. well im no use today, but really think about writing to you for so long that i cannot postpone it anymore. i started reading the text u linked but cant say nothing more than i like it - which is not really useful.

ok i cant really think about nothing more now. i go home now so best from here!

hugs, Ola

still, loving your letters as always :)

Jst was able to read your letter now from 11 dec. I have been out from net lately. nice thoughts, must chill on that.

Well, funny, in 2010-2011 they re-discovered the 3d, soon it's everywhere again. But yeah, in russia one gy was also really amuzed by estonian animation, i guess there must be something i my self do not get jet as i have not understood this world jet.

Actally Kadri lives now with the daughter so you must fit in to your imagination perhaps my roommate Maiken (she is doing now small biz https://www.facebook.com/MaikeniEhtedHandmadeJewelry ).
But yeah... i have been more and more thinking the line between living alone or the need to make a soul with an other person, have not figured out the right path jet. Meet one greatly spiritual german girl also who is working in Estonia with challenged human beings. She looks like elf - might be from your neighbor planet i susect :P but yeah... funny thing - this movie we was making in poland, we mentioned one place name there where elfs send alice (no so well used lace name) and this was the aria where she worked, nicolas was also amuzed :D

Bt yea, about spiritual perseptions... imho - you cant have better guide then yourself, alone in a room. Prefabily no music or blinking lights, closed eyes. Okey.. maybe the music can be at first time but it really is distracting from the real expereince (as usually any person in the room), as real exerience can not be tuned to better with basic earhly tools. Well,
lsd in particlar is the sbstance that needs to be costom learned how to use. Ofcourse, kind of right instruction can first be helpful but in whole literature what i have seen/heard - all it seems at Best - BW 2 dimensinal descrition of 3 dimensional colorful system.

But this shold be true... if you hold something in yor mind, it will come to you way more likelly then otherwise. Specially if intentions are good

bdw, what yo think about this text: http://lib.ru/WELLER/r_teacher_engl.txt (slow reading after first part..) and what can you tell me abot Edgar Allen Poe?

hey Margus, how u going? i was readig about Estonian school of animation, it is one of the most important schools in the international slow motion, listed amongst the Japanese, Canadian, and Yugoslavian. Have u heard about Elbert Tugonov (Russian surname, though). He made the first slow motion 3D movie, its kind of "Apocalyse now" of the 70s.

Tervist, honey! I just dreamt about You a little and must pass it to You. You know sometimes I'm dreaming I move to Talinn and live with You and Kadri. You know this kind of dreams that You know deep inside you they are really the plans, but the plans so sweet and perfect that they come just in dreams...

Lately I realized I don't use my intuition, you know, the Intuition women keep in them like a flame. I did not care about mine, I let her go away, but fortunately this power is not gone forever. Now I'm trying to listen to it and look through it. And I started to see truly, to see the bonds with the others that are older than me and you. Some people hang on to each other and can't explain why. And I feel this calm, I feel secure with this thought there is Monika, my friend/lover in England, who does not need to be here but there is still all life ahead for us, and we both know it.

What do You think about intuition? I've came across so many books and articles mocking the trust in intuition. Even the author of "Tao in Winnie the Pooh" insists that an intuition is just a word incorporated into the world of science to cover inexplicable areas, such as reasons for the seasonal migrations of birds, you know, "We cant say why the hell they know when to start and where to go, so we call it animal's intuition".

For sure they are just afraid of the powers that physiology cannot reveal. I dunno, I have hangover and lie on my white fluffy carpet in the new apartment we moved into a few days ago. Human;s mind is so sophisticated and thinking is just a small part of its power, i want to get more from that. I would love to try some other substances and learn about perception. How can I do that? I need to meet someone who will assist me and lead me into that, someone experienced and wise. Not living in Tallin but somewhere around, preferably. But you know, Im getting to trust a new person for so long, it takes months, even years for me to feel ready to befriend. Maybe now, when finally re-turned on my intuition, at least a little bit of it, it would take less time. Hope its true.

Anyway, kisses from here, honey.

Headaega!
Yours,
Ola

?
Just wondering

Actually the "Hüvasti" - this means this kind of good bye if you do not see the person anymore, like final good bye, with a sad taste :)

Headaega - means goodbye (i wish you a)good (version) (of the) time

is the upper longer interpretation means same in english as i would have explained "good time(s)"

& there is some links for some dic's u might need in future .)

This is really cool, can you really find time for that besides all other things? Well, let me know if i happen to be able to help - most likely i can't but, hey, you would do it anyway if u need, right .)


Is it true about emotions? :)


LanguageWeb
http://www.keeleveeb.ee/

(150 000 keywods estonia dic)
http://www.eki.ee/dict/ekss/

Latin-Estonia-latin
http://www.ut.ee/klassik/dict/

Synonyms
http://dict.ibs.ee/syn/

Latin Estonia (not complete jet)
http://www.ut.ee/klassik/dict/dict.cgi

Dialectological dictionary of Estonian
http://www.eki.ee/dict/vms/index.html.en
http://www.tajur.ee/prangli/
http://www.folklore.ee/Synaraamat/index.html

Dudictionnaireanalogie delalangue estonia
http://www.eki.ee/dict/saareste/
(words by topic)

Economical diconary
http://dict.digitaalmeedia.ee/

Slang diconary
http://www.eki.ee/dict/slang/
http://slang.ee/

Tervist, honey, kuidas laheb? guess what - i've just started to learn Estonian, impressed by this great amount of Estonian speakers in the world (ok, kidding, just getting deeper into ur culture, it's so - well- a food for thought). nevertheless, it's so funny to look at Estonians from the side of a learner's book; you know, each chapter begins with short introduction into history etc. And the best thing is footnotes, let me quote some:

Chapter 1, "Meeldiv tutvuda!", page 24.

"Estonian's Facial Expressions"
Estonian's facial expressions are restrained and it is very difficult to read anything from their faces. Estonians are right up there with the Japanese and the Finns in having the least emotional expressions.

Huvasti ja head ood!

Emotions are so complicated math for me... far be on my reach i think. It's kind of like hicakers guide to galaxy note on love - " if possible, avoid it :P (as its to complicated)"
But if there is someone who can understood it.. and put it to math.. it might be women.. maybe some extra help from daniel tammet who can see numbers behind the shapes in this dimension here. & maybe it all is like Pytogoros sayd ... or like in movie Pi .. - "it's all numbers and can be expressed with math"
... but oo buy.. what kind of math it is ? As of now.. i had really hard time to find a string to understand the relation .. or what i see on this picture whatyou send and the understanding the message in ur letter so i can replicate this thoughts and actions. But maybe i am able to do it when i can focus on it more, with psicdellics or some meditation. All i know that whatever it means it seemed to be possibily really higly smart beoon the simple explenatons. Or maybe i was just thinking to far, or maybe not...
Who knows :)

I think it might be maybe easyer to draw even love when one feel love & emotions as Antonio explains it - from one corner he makes emotions really simple... and from other corner makes love much wider by opening possibilties behind this -... this energy what is in it.
Who knows.. maybe we are just used for energyes... or use urself for some kind of energyes... or maybe we just grow from one state of energy to other... or maybe we are tuned,,, fine tuned... according to

eeh my brother come to online, will wait more imput from you, maybe if u can.. explain it more plain so i can grasp it more, but if it takes effor to much, do not worry about it, just show me final product with explenations ;)

Kisses

hey honeh, sure loads of kisses and some hugs too :)

i was thinking yesterday about relationship between colors and math. You know photoshop? or any other graphic program? there is this tool for changing colors, you ve got a curve to adjust ciolors and shades to your picture, but you can use a brush to draw your curve. i just wonder if you start to listen to music and then just randomly draw sth, some visions, then the colors change. you can see it changing on the screen. i wonder - if i was thinking yesterday about You, then i started to draw some stuff on this curve tool and the photo was changing colors into some really disco psy visuals. i wonder how this pure math - because this curve is just a math, a balance between x and y on a diagram, shades and colors - how it corresponds to feelings and memories and associations...

well i want to make a movie using this tool; play some music and then start to draw to it, rhythmically, on this curve, and film it. math plus emotions, i like it.

and i learned that Goethe, he wrote a book colors, its called "farben Lehre" and he made up a graph on how the colors correspond to each other and how the painters can mix colors (he added some metaphysics too, 'colors of night' etc, romantics :D). and photoshop offers similar tool. that is amazing, how i find these links in culture.

kisses now and hugs to Kadri!

im dreaming about a travel: train route on fairy tales and myths: germany (Grimms brothers), denmark (Andersen), scandinavia (Kalevala, Tove Jansson, Santa Claus), then somehow down to Estonia. That is my night dream im smiling to just before closing my eyes.

hugs, guys, is still Nicola with you? greetings to him too!

Ola

Kisses & Huggs!

Hey sweet ola :)

The guy is this one:
http://www.youtube.com/user/cveitch?blend=1&ob=4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAQrsA3m8Bg

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001186884157

what is the name of this guy who was shouting through megaphone: consume! dont stop consuming! and hugged the policemen to show it was nothing personal?

and about the weekend: pretty nice. graves, cementaries, and family dinners. But I had a good talk with my aunt, I explained her what I want from my life. She said she's proud of me. I'm getting to have such a talk with my mum, some day.

how was your journey? and weekend and beard?

hugs, kisses, and some more hugs!

hey, wittgenstein is the fellow i mentioned during our forest walk, the guy who made up the notion of a linguistic image of the world. Well, i tried to read his Tractatus and understand it, but it's too difficult to me. But the basis I caught is really a food for thinking. Wittgenstein deals with the relationship between the language and human thinking. As a human mind - with its memories, perception, knowledge - constitutes one's world, then a language one uses conctitutes his world.

I think that he meant that whenever you try to touch the far end of some issues - generalize it, judge it, compare with the rest - then your outcome depends on your language. Language is your tool and limitation. While thinking, humans depend entirely on their language.

(Footnote: imagine the world when ppl dance to express ideas. And me, I'm hitting the wall while trying to translate my tripping images into language. But all in all, thanks to the Age of Reason, our knowledge is based on science, and science has its academic notions that are expressed in language).

Your vocabulary shapes your thinking. Lacking words severes the chain of thinking. Emotions are more variable if you can use more words to describe them. International politics seems more reasonable if you know the notions of impeachment, state system and free elections.

According to Wittgenstein, these relations work both sides: words limit your thinking, enclose it into boxes, create catalogues and cliches.

So, that is how I understand him, but - as I said - it's a folk science from my side, as I haven't read any writings of him.

PS I remember when I got to know a word: "sublime". It has no equivalent in Polish, that makes me sad, cause it transfers such a great amount of ideas. Mostly atmosphere, for me.

How was the long weekend? :)

Hey :)

I was wondering, do you happen to know this fellow http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_Wittgenstein and can comment hes work ?

If you can not stay yourself but can leave a key's this would be wonderful if its not problem for you but we would be happy if you can stay with us also for a night, for sure :)

But do not worry about us - if you have meetings with family put it in first place with no hestadtion

Hey Ola :)

Jup, we will be there tomorrow!
We will be there tomorrow morning, about 6 a clock.
Our bus will leave from 21:00 on 31'st

Will be looking forwrd to meet - not to soon i must say :)

hey hey, are You coming to Warsaw? when, for how long? need some details. Because we ve got a 'long weekend' in a few days, off work till Wed, and me and my family will probably visit our grandma and go to my grandpa's grave, kind of tradition here. So please let me know if and for how long You re planning to stay so I can arrange my familiy duties.

Best,
Ola

Hey :)

I forgot my phone yesterday so actually i need the number of yours :)

Cenk from tyrki (really nice guy) wanted to also ask can you offer him a flat for one night or find a cheap hostel for him or something as hes plain leaves monday. I wil be in there around 15:15
Pliz, sms them ur contact and where we can find u :)

See ya then, Kisses!


This is 2 guys i am with
0090539 729 6337 Cenk

004879614327 Piotr

weeeeeeeeeeeee will see Ya soon!

This will be so cool : ))

No problem about friday as i fill go directly from airort to destination i think.

Will you be on thusday-monday most of the day in universty or occupied with studyes (i mean it's urgent to be..., for examle if u get a sinuses/cold and cant attent day or two wil it be big problem for you if u really want to? :)

hey hey, Mr Surprise! well im not quite sure i remember about the project.. You asked me a few times to read through it but i never did.. anyway im out for a wedding this Sat so i cant join You. But You welcome in my apartament for as long as You wish, no problem with it :) I have quite a lot of work at Uni but we dont need to spend literally all the time together, You need to look around the city too :) its just better to go out every day at about 8:30 as there is an office downstairs in the same flat (its kind of open flat) so its not comfortable to stay there during the office hours. But its possible, if You wish.

so im moving to this apartment for the time You are in Warsaw so we can spend time together :) im so glad and excited, hope You will fell in love with the city! :)

as for Fri, im sorry, but im too busy to meet You somewhere on your way to Jantra. but we will make it on Sunday. What time You can arrive?

cant wait for You,

Ola

I can be with you a bit in friday and from sunday to thusday :)
- thats offisial:P

bdw, are you aware about the project in Poland? Is it possible for you to join in also? :)
I guess actually if your weekend is free you can join in with us also in Jantra, i am sure you can sleep ower there also.

Would love to join in to merriage party also but i will be in Jantra from friday to sunday

Awww... it will be way cool to meet ya, again! :)

i meant, my favorite* :)

How my polish Goddess is doing ?

Hey :))

would be nice if you give some revolutionary or uterly logical ideas that have not been widely noticed or used

:=)

but yes, please try to think out some batterns, things, important structures, systems or .. i do not knwo what the language is made of and what is importent to find out and do with language, i just know that everything i can remeber now to be imagined can be done with language in this world

bdw "future is now" gets 3,6 million answers from google, future is medieval gets 2.1 million and "future is later" gets 17k only.
So yeah most likely future is long time ago or now :)

And well, if one looks far back one might see what comes now as the batters repeat and not only in one but in many systems from iChing to super predicting computer

"i dont mind" i wonder what it literally means

:)

have a nice evening with your couches, now or future, i dont mind

it might, but just in past

it contradicts the very term 'future' :P

future is now, bdw

light is nice now

all your coolest professors and idols who are in fb should be in ur contact list in fb at least :P

well im going back to work

fo future

for future

and network with as much interesting people as you can

sure i will

no pressure:)

just asking, if u have, let me know, so i can add it up & think about some more things .)

and some other things, that can be done, that needs to be done and that might be done by people who we can fantasise about if things go right ?

it

so have you thinked about

sure

but yeah, you remeber the language project we was talking about some time ago ?

well i must look through it

cannabis removes just information that might not be so vital for life so new infotrmation can come on more easily and will not be interfered with some random things that computers are for, while alcohol just damages chells so when new connectons are made for cells (when hangower is) .. the conenctions might not be same anymore as before, sometimes its good, as new things come to mind but most ofthen its for many people just killing the part of brain off that we use
when one starts to smoke then this process might actually be kind of reverced

but then again, its just my interpetion, i have not studied it so :)

well my school.. it depends how long im willing to attend it :)

not exactly

i mean like alcohol and stuff

but seriously is not cannabis running off your short memory?

:D

u know, like monika lewinski

but how long are u still in universty, i knind of forget , u know, cannabis and short term memory and stuff

while the proper name is 'zubrowka' but 'ska/ski' sounds more polish :)

lately ive heard a turkish guy who reffered to our national vodka as 'żubrówSKA'

hope so :)

sounds similar, doesnt it? :D

more interested about wisiting wasilewska thought

:)

surely will when possible

dont want to come visit warszawa?

jup

a nice colorful wooden hut? :)

you still live in the same house?

when ur schoolig is ower?

well, installing some old pc's, waiting few couch surfers to wisit me later today and will take it easy

finally

you sound alive :)

and what are you doing today, Marus?

more than writings

more than photos, i mean

i made a few portraits of my friends, it felt like making them well, more immortal

yeah they are, indeed

paintings sounds interesting :)

same as before

and what are u working on?

and reading wiki page of a polish drama director

to paint a few paintings :)

what that means ?

well right now im trying to mobilize

hi

What are you working on ?

Honey, i will write you back later on, will go and enjoy sun and satisfy some clients :P

It made me smile to see you are back, - i know you would be back to life sooner or later. Life - life has been wonderful in short, my plans are getting more and more complete, all what we have talked about in past and more :)

no, im not going. but maybe you can make it to PL anyway, any other time?

i moved from Marta, we're not together anymore, u were right it was kind of toxic, emotionally-vampiric relation. now - deep breath - and let's learn from the oldies and start the new!

i'm not losing any mind, don't you worry :) the other way round, i'm getting back to my way, I hope

wow its been such a long long time we last talked... how to find the way bacj to the same modesty, intimacy? I was so occupied with my toxis stuff, didnt care much about any other worlds. there are such ppl with whom you can stay in distance for a long time and then just come back as if you were absent just for a week or two...

so Margus, how was your day? i'd love to know what were your cares and joys today

hugs, honey!

(K)

I actually hope you are really not losing the mind :)

I am important & everyone else as well, so yes :)
Summer, from as much i can see from windows it looks good :)

I think i might not make it to the poland yoth exchange, will you go?

well she's one of my mates gf. Studies teaching French. Don't know her much.

how's Your summer, Margus? was it nice? did You meet important ppl?

Who is Aleksandra Staniszewska? fb reccomends her to me few times :)
She looks nice

:)

hey honey, just a random association from Belgrade - we were roaming through the city, dirty, hungry and sleepy, as always during our Balkan trip, and suddenly I caught a glimpse of a tv set glittering through the window pane - just a little bit of an evening image, families collecting around telly. And I remembered the picture from Tallin, the night I was wallking through the city to let you do some IT stuff, then I noticed so many families spend their evenings like this.

so- hugs from Belgrade. Hope to have more to write soon!

kisses,

Ola

What do you think about http://rosettaproject.org/ ?

all this is related to the same things we have talked about before, but now it's in more real package :)

http://nowplaying.wfuv.org/player/tas/second.html good station :)

I am making movie project, I would like to use your character in it also.. movie would be in to gender - real life fantasy.
would you like to play you yourself in the movie?

Greetings,

Hey what do you think is it more true that we are version something of something that looks like solid computer animation but it is better to keep it down, the understanding, otherwise other players who choose avatar with current parameters might disrupt some important sections of the game, causing more trouble then needed, interfering with other games in the way that does not please no one.
Maybe avatars are controlled with combination of something from meditation & matrix movie idea.
Maybe people who enter this game can only wake up safely themselves with cooperation with their self. Considering this here only as reflection, avatar of real Me, considering this here the body who will go, but it might be required to understand full advantage of the game that everything is made by us (means needs respected, ie your body), and other living avatars might just see themselves as center in the game as we see. It's conter productive just ... arrrhh...
anyway, OR is it more true something between the hijacker guide to galaxy and parasite control .. as there is some small entities that made this 'something' to produce for themselves something they need.
U know, like ppl in movies make big attack / work robots so they would unknowingly do the work for the ones they do not know, or what is their work.. maybe master slaves know... but the ones we might reach, to see as masters are the ones who know they are slaves, in the end.
Can Anyone be in top if they help or do not stop the progress / work that was needed originally?
Or might it be just more complicated game with more possibilities then Go..
Any road on any direction can be real, we just change our location, the center, that makes new center for us, but maybe then everything needs to be re-defined once new center is taken, once the classes are changed.

how are you doing anyway?

movie

Have you seen The Wall ?

(in the indeal world at least) One should work on the things that one Loves and if one really loves what one is doing then it should not feel hard work. If things one loves takes hard work To often, to the levels that it's depressing - then there is some errors on the way we do things.

(just for my self interest, once you find time - can You write to me my hidden meanings on my last longer letter, as it would be interesting & enlightening for me to see how other interpret others and self thoughts and feelings in writings that might give some space to one and other ways look things)

Still, to serious to take it all seriously - but i will be back later :)

heey these are cool, would you mind asking if she would sell them to me? or maybe costs of sending would be too high, dont know :)

so you're living three of you plus little Hellen now? nice party, I would say :)

yeah this dream about dropping out of uni is not so reasonable, Margus, there are just a few moments when im forced to do sth, the rest lays in my attitude - i just cant take it easy and just allow myself to make it worse than I would. Ambition - or rather this kind of experience that tells you will never know which area is helpful? which can proove to be the most exciting study, breaking through all the knowledge you intuitively knew? and if you dont work in some area from the beginnig, then you get lost and start to hate it and then at the end of the course you realize it was really SOMETHING and some ppl around you learnt amazing things and are 100 km ahead.

I dont mean there is one way we all choose. But there certainly ARE some ways you would never learn for yourself if you dont work hard - dont listen to the others who put some incredible effort in their writings to summarize the theories of their lives. Loads of them are not worthy reading, but there are some that at least represent the ways of thinking that are so far from yours... that you just cant work it out at first. And then you experiment with such paths.

Now i'm learning the history of English language. I had some similar studies at my Polish faculty, but still it is something completely different. And it links so many pieces of knowledge i already had - some Latin, German, French intuitions, plus just pure linguistic comparisons, plus history... Dont ask me what I get from it, what more than deeper understanding of the language and it connection to our worldviews?

Thank You for this message, it was so comforting - i should write discomforting, as i had to stop on each thought and read through its hidden message.

hugs, Margus, kisses for the ppl around You!

jeeesh.... did really i write this all:D

Huggs!

Greetings :)

Well... i hope you will drop out from university soon (or ending it) so you can start to do things you like to do - like life :)
but yeah, the charlemagne award was something that was expected from people who share awards with names like that . I do not even know if to be more negatively surprised or to find even more reasons to help them with this what they party talk about at least.

It will take some time for me to collect thoughts about it.

here is some startup thoughts i wrote on my way back:
---------------------
.. For how many of us it becomes as news that egoless co-operation will take us to the bietter now?
So why it appears that some of us serving it as new invention - like it is still news for some of us?
---
There was first no hallow wor(l)d without fallow up action. Word might work as tool that will reflect one as creator if word is fallowed by touch of change not by eyes that do not see as one.
---
And who is not in the view. Behind who's eyes is nothing but All? If we do not want to see we can just close our eyes and be quiet - not to tell others to do same as we are afraid and (to?) say we are afraid for their sight,
for them?
---
Just one small thing is not hard to keep in mind whatever we do, how we do, what methods we use -> all that reflect how we see the world and in what kind of world we want to live in. How it will work out you only know if scene you look is same, way's understood. So it's easy to see that we need to see as one before we tell anyone to look
or not
---
Good manipulation can be effective for manipulated now as race can be perfect to feel good about failure, unless there would be one horse - but then even walking would secure ones greatest victory on current times. If there must be many racers for reasons one do not know - then where is the reason for running?
---
yes, fear from job to stranger can make ones union look stronger for unknown times for limited time but even the Koljat's needs for rest - or one day will wake up not. And who says everyone needs to re-wake the reasons for re-run. Even gladiators some point stop fighting if they see the way - as they know the other way as well. But do we? Do we know how to stop?
all of us do not play games where the other player needs to be present. ever. One might just walk and go where others run and fa...

oh.. :D actully i just re-invented pretty much the last parts, the actual ending was short, something like that:

"but can one really enjoy the life
as it might be
with thought's
of worry.
Worry, worry is really gone when it's understood not hidden behind diversion"

Do we still see us vs them
or we see them as us

Do we still see them
or do we see us
do we see us, do we see them or do we see

--------------------------------


actually no sure how much of it is understandable - and most important to who and how.


anyway... its after 2.. i go to sleep.

but for now.... if alan watts... the Antonyo... can not be help for you then maybe some Laozi cartoons?
Or some Muse songs? As there is no reason to feel not good about even the bad.

im actually sleep crazy now and hardly understand what i write lol :D

what is the blue moon about?
and ofcourse... Kadri woudl love it... as well Maiken (she is my first - love, living with us now, she is tryng to start up small business with products liek that she makes: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2033733844678.122586.1284125461 - maybe you like some :)


non... i should have gone to sleep now... so bye bye...

and.. hey, really, Ola, how come You can feel so - not you about life or yourself or.. well... not sure... but you are just to cool to feel like that! You know!

But hey, Kisses from all of us, all around you! :)

Hi Margus, well its a mess here, dont even have any fine dreams now. actually i miss all my colorful fairy tales but now - well - due to my final exams bla bla - i just read some abstractive philosophical texts, some equally out-of-the-blue-moon literary theory and write loads of papers. but then - i swear - i will only focus on everything else (!)

i applied for animation movies but still need to pass an exam. it's really nice, you just get a topic and should design a character and a plot, im really excited. now im collecting loads of flowers and strange plant here in my place and put them in between books and wait till they dry up and then im gonna make a huge altar-like portrait of - i dont know yet of whom, i wonder if Kadri would be the one, i dont know, just like something strong in her - some impressive power mixed with kindness

need to sleep now, really

ps You v been to germany and didnt drop here? Marguuuuuus!

congratulations for Your projects! You're more in UE now, arent You? or is it something more about interepersonal research?


hugs! hove good night, You Both!

kiss Kadri till I'll write her back!

bdw the Esben and the Witch video looked a bit dark and suicidal. Can you explain me this video a bit more?

found also this link that one say'd the song is about: http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_7608000/7608874.stm .. but well, who knows the internets.

the video here also http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtZnUu7V6KY looks kind of .. hmm.. havent been really in this state to know feel it as i should i guess, but it seems something .. to feel

Hey Hey My favourite Polish, how have you been? :)

Just wondering, it has been quiet in last month, no reply's jet.. so i wanted to tsek out if things have turned to the better jet?

How is with aliens and cover ups and conspiracy theories etc ? Have found some new cool info ? :)
--

I go to Germany tomorrow, to accept the youth prize for our EU project that won Estonian finale.

My ex also moved in with us - but besides that, there is not a lot of new news

I just wondered did you end up in this video yet -
"What is anxiety? What does us unhappy?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef4SP8IbRZU&feature=autoplay&list=PL8B47F4DE45C5DECD&index=23&playnext=1 - how you feel, how well will this kind of explanation work for most people?

This is so wonderful :))
Mine was kind of different - something to do with African half naked guards with machetes who drive us in jeep in africa, with many people from some EU project. Later before i thought they kill us (as i grabbed the big machete knife from them and sliced them..) they died, they turned out to be aliens who infected us with virus and we turned a colourless jelly/lime from inside by starting rotten first. First some africn boys went.. then next morning when people try to kiss... they felt this strange zombie like taste and we started to go also i guess, then i wake up. But everything was really calm in all this dream, even the time we was captured... or maybe they was our protectors who turned out to be captures who turned out to be... etc - this is more logical if i think about it a bit :)

it also seemed to me like they took this big knife so we would kill them to save them from suffering as we was doomed anyway.

This was my dream- not as beautiful maybe as yours but it still was pretty interesting specially if one puts it to methaphores

actually you all were there, You, Kadri and little Hellen, it was night, a big room, two beds by walls, one with Kadri and one with You and Hellen, I was trying not to wake you up but my friend, she brought a dream trombone machine, you know a trombone, kind of a trumpet? she actually can play it and in the dream it was my turn, you see the machine at the pic, i had to blow in it just to make imaginary 'notes' (they were colours) jump from part to part, faster and faster, finally it was like sparkling lights, and me playing bass tones of a trombone. and then harder parts come, i must perform these jumping dolphins, u see gaps between them, so i must play tones that are separate (jumping) but still give an impression of one harmonic move in the ocean, but i made it! and it was dreamy.

just then little Hellen woke up and came to me with her sleepy eyes and she lead me to the other room where we hide in the corner under a transparent umbrella. then we see a strange scene: half of our view is covered by a plastic transparent umbrella, the rest is a boy standing by a desk, reading a letter maybe or a diary? we can see a sparkle on his shoe, he is still, sudennly i realize we ARE a photocamera, this is our capture, the boy cant move, we cant turn our eyes away, the moment is eternal. but the photo was nice so i didnt miss my old human eyes with their always changing the objects, from now im focused on one scene - forever. i was just sorry for the guy we captured, Hellen and me, he was imprisoned by our sight. but still it was beautiful, i cant say but i believe we were sitting there holding hands and looking in the same direction, perfect understanding, common goal.

hugs for her, tell her please she's exceptional being, little Hellen!

I will write longer next time, but just... there is no reason for panic as there is no use for panic or for depression, not anymore - there newer was :)

So.. you are in to aliens now .. cool :)
But there is always more material about them then proof and more proof then material that prove it's all to be illusion - in the end, what more awere we are more we direct our reality channel - reality is something you know you end up to even if you cant see it at this moment you know.

Do you know this guy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qoeYynby08

here is 2 paylists from him i like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y3Q7H2urto&playnext=1&list=PLEC25151943DE0F35
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?p=8B47F4DE45C5DECD


I recommend :)

it's just a quotation from a text i'm reading for my final dissertation (You feel the rhyme, ah? :D)

so now a proper greeting:

heeey Margus!

what are u busy with right now? im so sorry i didnt write u back but its not i didnt care about ur sweet msgs. have some problems now, or rather call them - anxieties - but who doesnt, im sure u know what i feel. but its alright we write in lets say tides, such a tidal relation, waterlike, a little like perception works, you feel as if it was an ocean that can cover some parts of surroundings. maybe.

i came upon a sell off book called "Extraterrestrial Archaeology", it's all about the aliens and possible spy-satellites surrounding the Earth, the Moon and Mars being ones, they proove it with low quality b&w photos without specifying their source - so u see it's all for me rather a trip to different ways of thinking, not convincing with such "prooves" but fascinating when it comes to looking at the reality, placing the Earth out of the centre of the Universe and a human as - maybe a computer program of more developped beings? and the argumentation is so far from the mainstream, the same facts interpreted in so dif ways. and their distrust for govs and national space agencies.

well i started some searching by myself, just checking the NASA official web reports, did u know they announced they found prooves for life on the Moon in 90s? obviously i do see a point in not trusting their politics - its obvious the state must hide any info concerning aliens - to use it one day for causing panic and then get public approval for military actions like bombing the Europe (in case of russia or usa). for sure they would never let us wake from our consuming humanocentric dream to avoid any rational general discussion. they would rather let the independent alien seekers remain just crazy freaks with no money for research. in the same time start obtaining raw material from the other planets; if they told us, we would claim ownership to any materials in the universe. what about the space programs of poorer countreis? Poland, Estonia, we have no share in it. but we would be probably a shield for any alien attacks, just to cover moscow and washington. well, no news here. u know russia's working on making a direct train connection through belarus and poland - from moscow to berlin?

well must go for a dinner, mummy calling :) write my even a word, just to know u read it. hugs!

(the last link was question more about the literature style)


U no wrte meee! :P


:*

What do you think about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vOrmTIV9qk ?

Hello beautiful :)

Damn... how come you always can find a songs that can be so... & this voice, is just so...
messing up my day..but in a bitter-sweet-spicy-good way, maybe
I must learn some new words to my vacobalary

So how was Your birthday, girl, you newer told me?

Would you like to come with me to the russia psy party in woods, one month from now? :)
Party tickets are from me :)

and after all.. how is my video? Or is that like newer-ending painting with obsessive compulsive disorder that we sometimes develop to make something we want to be perfect instead realizing it was perfect all along?

How is your partner, is everything ok? :)

And tel tel tel me about yourself now :)

This is so strange - i wonder how i saw this message here first time, i thought i will write you after long time - but seems you are first. Well, i thought actually first thing to write you "haa, u can change the pic now :P " but well - as i can see i was a bit late. ... but well, your picture is ... hmm i have forget all the words, mind setting is to much - not sure where. But i like it - in short, makes me smile :)

--
So how is your birthday ? :)) Dont spare me for the graphic details :P

--

But what i am wondering about.. well - about Life (to go in details it would take pages and would be way to confusing lol)

--
Song sounds nice.. :)

You changed the profile pic
but ur redeemed as the new look is terribly good!

aww I just started to miss You - won't You drop here once?

and just tell me - what is this serious looking man wondering about?

+ a song for You, honey, maybe You'll like it, kind of intimate and catchy at nights

Hey, do you know Steven Pinker also?What you think about hes works?

Hey i did ask u before but i still need it.
the name of the movie u showed me once in italy. im gonna use it cause the ideas were close to the thesis of my friends essay.

so it is the movie we watched while going from biancavilla to etna, in the couch. u had it on ur laptop. the one very humoristic and critical aboput the americans. with fake parodicstic commercials. sitcom-like.

we didnt finish it.

do u remember now? could u share the title?

hugs, Ola

to good :D

I had to start a comment war there, almost .D

enjoy :D

hey Margus!

i've edited (cause it was not merely typing, it was a process of text composition) a long sms to You today where ive tried to extract some recent impressions but then - they barred my connection due to payment delay :D bad luck but now i at least had to switch to mail :)

well ive been to netherlands last week and it was okey and im settling down my little sweet home with Marta, shes really okey now and i feel better and better, making some creative stuff now. go through some crisis though but who dont. i must just focus on my way, its gonna be sth more about art than books, i suppose.

actually id love to spend next year somewhere abroad, at some EVS maybe, have time for creating stuff and dedicating days to meet ppl and talk and evenings for learning from your links and areas You point, i mean to broaden my view in a way

im not telling i need to stick to You, dont worry :)) i just mean id love to meet ppl like You, open minded and stuff and get through it.

and get deepr into issues iv only had time to try a little

must talk to this musician u told me on fb though

so with this evs stuff, do You know how to do it? ive tried searching through net but it takes ages. maybe u got somee offers?

yeah about dreams, yours are really weird, but what to expect, hmm? :)

btw in netherlands i came along with one estonian girl, so now i can tell: love estonian mentality, little perversive paganism :P

in touch! (im singing it rhythmically, however it spells)

hugs, honey!

Heeey
I havent been able to see you online like long time by now, damn. Doing good?
I saw dream about aliens lol:P

cant remember to much but point was something about we must be here as good as possible so the aliens (who i think might be higer civil. of us ) can take us with them or something :)

what about postapocalyptic hungarians?

they dont seem to put too much effort in understanding the others

so i hope they do not misunderstood me again :(

i hope facebook again is not getting it wrong and will not want to start to close down my account

i mean, its not like i did it because of fun or anything, i really mean it

extra 3 points for gryffindor :D

wall news " Jack is adding to hes team some mass murderers : George Buss "

okey i will go and upload some mass murder webombs now...

maybe uners mass murderer.. in top level.. once one gets there... i add one level down sadam... and after that.. if they play more they can get to the George
mmm... that will be fun

no one is bothering to go ower and test/see the images anyway

yeah i give to me 5 points :D

ull be your own fav, for sure, man :D

luckilly my name is not anywhere to be seen...

my fun time in facebook, i will be the most favorite games administrators i belive :D

hate u :D :D :D

The looters!

aww animal collective is playing at primavera sound festival (barcelona) on may, in such companionship! the flaming lips, fleet foxes, mogwai, the national... loads of money (130E), but it lasts 5 days and this fest is famous for its legendary line-ups

just in case You won at lottery :D

Project is still stand by... daily something new comes that makes me re-think dif. aspects of this.. well, lets see.
a man writer? Sounds promising (ha-ha..:P ? .. no really:)

We had good trip yesterday with Kadri.. mmm will tell you longer later.
Did i tell u i saw so good dreams that i had to re-tell them next time in my dream to other dream people? lol.. yeah... unfortunately cant recall to much of it now, maybe need to start recording it.


Thank you for SMS bdw, like them as always :)

yeah yeah yeah i met some folks from student org, we are writing a EU project about architecture, make it in Warszawa. yeah i like it, today while i was stuck in overcrowded train from Kraków back home, i realised this is it: again too much plans and work to do, too less time. love this, love this. god speed (joke).

the only drawback is that i have no time for zen meditation now, but really - i like when it happens, this chaos around, a turmoil. and found new fav writer, a MAN, no more virginia woolf :P

what ur working at? abandoned this great net project or not? please just scribble a few words, all in all we are to come back in touch :)

huggs (still no snow! 19 degrees today!)

Ola

lol, u would not laught if u would know how well this letter was wriiten :P

But yeah, i will be back .. wehn i wil lbe back :)

fuck!! i wrote u a long long reply and then deleted it by mistake!!

fuck, what a damn luck (watch the rhyme here) :D

okey, i give up, lets keep in touch or just go back in touch

hope to see You soon in webchat

and yeah, if You happen to cross by my little country, let me know :*

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack i wrote so long reply and i lose it all!
damn... i guess i try again but im sure i cant put it all back here


damn


and now i have no time to rply longer
(just for short: katy moss is depressing and i would bet my money that her heroin chick looks comes not just from massive amouts of cocaine she is using)

yeah how are You anyway? what is so funny in this realkity ur experiencing? :)

lmao
yeah, i liked rollex part also besides other parts :P

...realty is even more funnyer.. way funnyer :D

not offended, just a little bored, but i tried hard to be an entertainment.

where the hell did u get this guy from? with sauna and rolex and saying to stranger girls: yeah she's hot. fuck, thank u for sauna, guys :))

have fun there :)

there have only been few times in life when alcohol has been beneficial - yesterday was not one of these nights :P

dman.. it was hellofa night yesterday

But yes, i guess u havent seen me drunk before, so tsekmark is done :D

Not that we wold remember most of it but i just hope we just emparased ourself and did not offend u girls somehow :)


(give feedback anyway if we did)

(K)

?
You don't want to talk about it or you don't want to talk with me?

maybe

hi, i was thinking about our talk, had no time to reread it so forgive me if these random thoughts are irrelevant. sure they are.

but

got a song for You, both for the sexy video with kate moss (she was dating Jack White then, awh) and for its simple lyrics. He was left, he is sad. Action-reaction. And I wonder why all emotions are NOT as simple as these. So enjoy her lapdance :)

and now we can excrutiate your own emotions, finally they're found somwhere inside You (joke but... u know i never noticed u dont consider 'feelings' be a word worth using? scary)


and just it struck me in the morning, maybe You just mistake 'feelings' with 'instincts'? i mean when u worry about these women that would attract u. these are instincts, i believe. and some basic, ritual, ancient instincts - these powers we cannot undermine in our psyche, they that make us perceive the uncanny, fears, anxieties and desires - this is category i believe u do not trust in your life. for fear of loosing control. i mean i do not know u but for now i believe u treat some forms of unleashing instincts as some tasks. like relaxation or getting closer to Self. and u prepare it as experiments maybe, in some controlled forms and situations.

warm/ cold?

kisses,

Your Master of Irrelevance

song for the moring, if You please :)

hi, seems it WAS the experience indeed, You sound kind of changed, that's great, cause last msgs were all dimmed with 'i'm tired, i'm late, hard days' (from both sides). Meditation now must have been sth you were seeking for.

nature, snow and spirits, awesome! i'm sure You did benefit this week. Feel open to share your thoughts and feelings and general feedback, i'd love to know. Yeah, good companionship and find-yourself training, i didn't know such projects are held within the eu, great.

no snow yet, colourful autumn and dark evenings.

and yeah, i'm so delighted I found a msg from You. Even more than getting 500 euros :D :D

and today we Poles start our tour de graves, going round the whole country to cementaries and then dropping by realtives for family dinners. Horrible traffic jams and we stuck in cars on the roads with radio playing only some shit Mozart (respect to the passed away) and transmitting traffic news: "15 injured in a car crash three minutes ago... bla bla bla". I took Hemingway and regret not having my mp3. And you, you dont celebrate 30 Oct, right?


p.s. these drugs don't interfere with her sexual life, i'm happy to inform ;)

Hello :)

Well, no project was one of my other friends. Actually it was not a project but training with 3-4 proffessional trainers. It was one of the best EU related experiences that i had so far i would say. Training was about finding yourself, get rid of your issues, getting contact with nature and full filling your potential, it was all in a kind of spiritual setting with a lot of fun. Loved it as everyone else did.

LOL, did you know why the money was dont getting to your accont before? As i was tryng to send you a 500 Euros not eek :D:D:D:D
the menu in the bank program gived me eeks but later it was in Euros what it wanted to send.

Bdw... this day when you guys saw snow... this was first day when nice snow was coming in viljandi around us.. :)

& yes... these drugs are not desinged to fix people... just to hide some symptoms some ways sometimes... and if one uses them longer then some months it can start really harm people. One thing is sure: it will kill the sex drive/orgasm.. and then one sooner or later will be depressed again or will break down (besides all the other reasons and symptoms)

Psycadellics have some long lasting effects for many people... but most long lasting effects have for people who admit what is wrong with them.. .and will act, will understand that they & world is beatiful, love themself first & all these other things you know yourself. Mediation - in the true nature :)

halloo, kallike :)

what is this project about? ok, wrong question: what is the name?
guess it's Helleri's one so You must be a leader/organises, right? how is it going so far, are folks enjoying sunny Estonia?

dreamt a snow the other night, and Marta did too. that was strange. snow is strange, anxious.

and no panic attacks now, i'm ok. really needed ur impulse to oppose it and now, as i became aware of it, just don't let it go. thank You! don't even remember it now. Marta has it each night, she's insomniac too for over 4 weeks, the so-called side-effects of new dose, argh, i hate these medecins, do they work at all?? a year of taking these chemical magic didnt help her more than me just being around

ok im not a doctor but - well i cant see any longlasting effects of any citals, convulexes and other stuff. anyway, she's in bloom now, love it. much work ahead but we'll fix it

gonna check some links u sent me these days

have fun in Viljandimaa!

well i think that today - with a weekend ahead and being busy with the project - You will definitely do it :P

no, dont worry, i know how it works with banks, they hate us, we hate them :D

Hello!

I am now a week in Viljandimaa ... for eu project - people seem to be really cool here,place is cool also :)

daaamn my feek has been.. well - not worth mentioning or reminding

So how the panic thing is going ? You are better now?
What have you been up to? :)

lmao, sorry... do you think i have managed to call and ask from bank about transaction? .. .nooo:D

Srry, its me :D

and sorry i cant contribute to much waluable thought to your personal problems... as .. well, there is many reason but i think in the end its all good :)

& yes - work on Zen ...
as if it is true that book of revolutions is actually kundalini yoga initatiation.. wel.. this would be interesting if this can be prooven, but it would make sence then - a lot of it, ...in a way :)

Hello there :)
Sorry... no longer emails also today from me. I think i got smoke poisoning or something from my aven today as i closed the aven maybe to soon + the thingy is not been heated long time..

anyway. to be honest i think i have not seen any real dreams lately.. + fast life so yeah.. i have been off most of the time.



I somehow researching about some stuff and ended up on that guy... you need to listen at least 3 first parts to understand him a bit. The part i was thinking you might be interested about is the language part - you can partly ignore the religion & illuminati thing if u will.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et7emkDgcvQ - the first one is just warming up and has not much info.

I also like the kind of students he is telling these things... i have my own theory about it.

but anyway. would be cool to talk about that guy and what you think this realty channel :) ...many these things i have heard from many other places.. but that someone would do it as a school system - this is interesting a bit. He has own on-line university also (for blacks mostly i believe): uni. of kemetian sciences or something. Cult? Yes, maybe but still. A lot what hes is telling makes sense in quantum level.

I will listen hes main lectures to the end and then can form full opinion... but if you want to give some more insight/view - let me know .)

--

But yes... do not let anyone to suck you empty or keep others bad energy in you.. There is many different theories why and how its like this but i think you cant deny it MIGHT be a bit related to Marta. My own theory is that the host always can control what is going on.. and let all the negative go and repower him/her self with mind anytime is needed.


and fuck yes. did i call bank today? Noooo :D

But i am still happy to read your letters/dreams :)

and how ru, Margus? hope u had good week and have fun now :)

ps calling bank - what an awesome task for the weekend, wish u luck :P

hi here, i've just eaten and played music, so relax is my god of the friday evening, got some books and stuff to think about and still - my zen garden needs reworking :D

got so nervous in the end of the day, dunno, bitten nails off, complete panic, sleeping rather badly this week. whereas Marta is now so full of life, so enthusiastic! one night my ex (this idiot dating my then-bestfriend) called me to utter in surprise that he respects me for what have I done to Marta, so happy and joyful now. Crap he did it, but still ive got a proof its not my imaginary improvement in her state. Really believe this drama will finish soon! she intentionally and willfully gave me all her razors the other day. I didnt ask! its amazing, her psychowizard says so! so You see, happy news here, one more soul to enjoy the gaieties of life :D


so I'm so happy now - and same time so awkward and distracted. we used to agree I'm sometimes taking up her bad moods and then they magically disappear in her- as if I would take over all the evil. kind of reverse emotional vampire am I, funny :) but now really feel I cant sleep and have these panic attacks... not as strong as hers ofc. but had one dream last night, some disconnected pieces (waking up while after while):

/dream mode on/
i wanted to buy a dog and needed to settle him somewhere so I was preparing a cartoonbox, putting loads of scotch and so on. and it was a shinny day and i was strolling on the green green grass with scotchtape and a young pretty girl appeared with two leashed fluffy dogs and i started to play with them (I'm afraid of dogs in real!) and found them amazing and their touch so warm and tranquilizing and the girl said she gonna sell one and kill the other one and me- stroking them and hugging - asked which one is to be killed and she didnt know but i was indifferent, death didnt matter much to me and i felt so light, being able to just play with them and dont care about death, it was great, so light, and this sun and grass.

and then i got on the rather crowded bus and noticed their looks so i looked up and saw my hair being attracted to the metal handle, like this electricity process, but i could see the scene from distance, my top hair caught by the handle above and the sun shinig through my head from behind, it was like a golden crown or an aureole, and the bus was all in this twilight orange light with this evening silence and their stares... i didnt feel like angel or sth but just felt they know my future, my vocation - and me - im still searching so far - while the answers are so obvious and so near, inside, this kind of feeling.
/dream mode off/

yeah I miss You with your discussions, need You to challenge my views soon. Would be great You're coming one day here, sometimes i'm arranging in my head what would I show You here. Not so bad a city, trust me :)

one day i will sum it up but it is so personal for me, books. can't use mych logic, less than usual.

But if you have time.. You can sum it up now :)

with my last msg i was thinking that when people in IRC (internet server based chat system... usually many website biggest chats are actually in IRC server) .. anyway when they come to private msg whit one liner like "asl" or other crap like that then i usually do not talk with them any longer (or will start torturing them .... )

------
damn money was not going trough as money was still in bank - i guess maybe the transfer fee is higher then i expected (was thinking 2x 50 should be okey for transfer..)
I call tomorrow to bank and ask.. if it is higher then that then fuck them, i will send euros in post :p

---

besides this, how are you? Anything new? :)

thats sucks:D

try harder :P

sorry but didnt understand a word from ur reply (!)

the "asl" - thats where i usually stop talking with people in IRC :)

dunno where to paste it - but it shows exactly what i think about the level clashes inside anglosaxon educational system

You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: asl
Stranger: 22 female LA
Stranger: u
You: 19 male Poland
Stranger: poland? isn't that in Russia?
You: now, it is near Russia, exactly beetwen Russia and Germany
You: no*
Stranger: oh ok, ever been to america?
You: no:(
Stranger: you should, best country ever
Stranger: ;)
You: and have you ever been in europe?
Stranger: europe? I dunno, I've been to france
You: France is in Europe
You: Europe is a continent
Stranger: oh really? than I guess I have been there :)
Stranger: so what is the capital of europe?
You: europe hasn't got capital, i told europe is a continent like america
Stranger: but America is a country
You: i don't talking about USA
You: i'm talking about america- USA+ Canada
You: big island :D
Stranger: lol
You: do you know how many continets are at the world?
Stranger: post structural theories since michel foucault's "the archeaology of knowledge" clearly state that the nation state is a mere social construct
You: you are too stupid for me, be

cause I don't know how to start.

the more i think about it, the more i synthesize it into basic principles that cannot be abandoned.

the more i think about it, the longer essays on the sophisticated beauty of the written word i elaborate on.

so better stop now, hard day, no time to sum it up.

hope You have better time now, Margus :)

ps. Noticed we share no night dreams now, no stories too. I miss them so keep the next one in mind, my fabulous storyteller

post ps. little exercise here, beware: (K)

(as sweet as absinth)

got a rhyme, funny. sweet is the name of the day, some strings stroked by sweet joanna, some fluffy creatures jumping in imaginary circles, they had big eyes and I had big eyes, lying in the greens and photos, so well-known and safe. never had the colours been so fresh and touchably (?) mellow. i tried to separate some feelings but they were too deep inside, wrapped over cracky bones, tied to succulent tissues, they were tight nerves, the origins of mine, transparencies, frontiers.

was afraid of falling asleep, balancing in between, it was too happy and silent a moment - and it lasted 36:19, the lenght of sweet joanna's album.

somewhere there a strange thought crossed my head - am I sober? yes, I was - and this answer was so beatiful a gift, a promise of more distant journeys, higher instances.

the language was english so when I came over, decided to share it with You, my recent english dedication.

Ola Wasilewska 28 September at 22:56
Account Name:

93 1020 1042 0000 8302 0183 9919

Aleksandra Wasilewska
ul. Przy Bażantarni 4/2
02-793 Warszawa


-------------------------------------------
Bank Name & Address:

Powszechna Kasa Oszczednosci Bank Polski SA
PO Box:
ul.Pulawska 15
Warszawa-00-975
Poland
-------------------------------------------
IBAN Code:

BPKOPLPW
-------------------------------------------

ok and the sum. it was like 500 koronas, minus something like 150k for taxis? dont remember exactly, the last was like 70, right? are these all costs or I missed something? if not, please send 350k minus operational costs in euro

------------

ps u see this address? that's where my neatly fattened noseless-siberian-trains-decorated envelope with some random inexpected gifts (enumerated in details if necessary) would go (sooner or later) :D

no pressure. I'M WAITING. :D :D

& bdw - on the page "EroWid.Org - The faults..." fanpage... you might go and give answer to Henry Anderson about animal collective :)

Well.. i thinked as we have music topic.. lets make this a movie topic.

just ended up in the middle of "The Pervert's Guide to Cinema" from silver. Noticed this movie before from somewhere but forget to download it... as much i saw/read about it seems to be interesting. Have you seen it?

Can you send this movie also again you sent me yesterday?

i will answer later the skype thing :P

But can u please send me these bank thingis again (make sure there is international pank account number,SWIFT / BIC code (or town and bank name) , you address )

You know psy folk? here's a girl I love, she's claimed to be one of the wave but i hardly believe she would care about the labels. she is a harpist and spent some significant time in the countryside learning Appalachian singing from the old women there (it's pretty hard method which explains strange expressions she's making while singing)

Joanna Newsom, Soft as Chalk, from Have One On Me released on Feb 2010

hey tell me the dif betweeen skype conspiracy and skype conspiracy theory

so we try gtalk?

you spammer, skype knows better

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh skype

i see u online but none of my mssges go trough

btw i'm reading his essay with curiosity, kind of... he's pointing "fors" and laughing at "againsts", but the arguments are so general that i started imaging he's showing excuse for holocaust or some african regime or some patological issues... i just changed all the "one-sex marriage" into "one alien&one puppy marriage" or "kid&hamster intercourse" and it still makes sense, still prooves the points. Look at the way of thinking:

(1) He attacks the Church and narrow-minded catholic society for superstitions, prejudices and intolerance.
(2) Admits that the new law is a gratification for all these years of persecution (!!! i totally disagree with this logic!)
(3) he calls homosexuality the aspect of human diversity (so is pedophilia and rapes)
(4) He says homosexuality is a part of liberal society (dont catch it)
(5) and then comes the elaborated paragraph on how the homomarriages are not a threat for traditional marriage cause the most important is love amongst the partners and so on.
(6) he points out that the science prooved that sexuality is open and - except for certain cases of unhealthy habits (how one can know?) - there are no limits.

dunno but it looks challenging. hello green aliens tradittionally married to hamsters, it all fits.

can't we really find better arguments? or do we have to talk so much about it? heh.

Wou :D

but i bet... they still are kind of freaked out after shooting them all... there is more and more them to come.. all the time...

dont know what's the movie ur talking about :))

i'm reading Mario Vargas Llosa (the lit nobel prize winner) 2005 article on gay marriage and i v got a quotation for u:

Carlos Franqui, "Revolution" newspaper editor, remembers when in 60s he participated in Cuban Prime Minister Council where Fidel with his cabinet posed a question towards the other "brotherhood countries" what politics they advise for solving the "homosexual problem". The most straightforward was the Mao Tse Tung's reply: "We don't face this problem anymore. We shot them all".

So ur online today : ))

(lol im looking national g. sex special, so cool change if u haven't look any tv long time :D )

yeah i've got rather bad net access in my new place and no net there in my laptop. now i'm at home where i can use it with no transfer limits, thats why was so exact on planning when to call. no, i'm not so organise-maniac, not this time :D but im staying here tonight as well, so notice it, just in case :)

what was the provocation exactly? I'm curious :D

well i'm not good at labels with music. Punk, it started in 70s with sex pistols? we've been listening to them yesterday, just to make good air for destroying old beds we had to move away :D :D i regretted not having any axe, would be better :D

ska: i was going to ska/ reaggea-ska concert in early gigh school, just to jump with friends and shout some simple verses, now it is closed for me in a sense. but i'm open for your tracks, feel free :)

But yes... no problem... webcams do not go anywhere, i hope at least :)

Have you lissened punk, do you like any punk or ska punk bands?
... as i know you told u do not like folk rock (how many have you heard them?)

:)

But you did took my provocation really well, cool :)

yeah i know You probably would see it all, but You are limited by ur taste, and me by mine, and neither of us would ever pressed the other to change it. If taste was easily overjumped, what would have been the point of it? Its mysterious category in a sense, defined by the limitations and directives it gives. maybe its just safety tool for not leting all the people be the same :)

maybe its just the hour, but now i wonder... all this open-mindness, being tolerant and understanding the points... isn't it a crime against diversity in a sense.. in some macro-scale complicated sense... making us transparent... can u see it...

Marta, thanks to her culture studies, is always so understanding... while talking, she catches the point of opponents and then, after showing hers, she doesnt go on with the discussion. cause if one doesnt believe in absolute truth and is aware of his knowledge to be illusive and if one gives a right to everybody to be equal in probablity to posses the truth... then discussing seems so pointless... dunno. maybe im inventing this story now to proove my distant impression :)

but still... sometimes i make up stories and play roles just to turn on discussions... one can't be serious if wants to discover anything, i believe...

ok it's sleepy message from Warszawa, good night! hope we will talk more next time (i fixed my mind with these webcams tonight, but no need to rush, more weekends ahead :))

and i told "this religion / cult like corp worship is just sick imho."

in the end this pic represents as whole one thing, worshiping/ glorifying the corpse imho. sic shit .)

yes.. i can i would see many other aspects... but i cant see why i would want to bother :P

yeah and tell me: what is sick? interesting category for rulin out some purely estethical experience

and You not gonna go online on any communicators, I see :P

yeah i believe photography must show emotions :)

and her lips so tight! a tension. yeah, a tension, it's the air of this cadre

taste is not to be defined and one can find no excuse for his likings, I believe -or I'm mistaking a taste with different category of perception.

but I can try to make an exercise on looking at this photo for third time and pointing out what can I tell from it and match it with my taste and try to justify its worthfulness.

so I can see... a beautiful cadre, harmonically composed space, with some soft silhouettes of trees... and kitschy bunches of (artificial?) flowers, typical, funeral and awful, full of details, in contrast to this calm background.

and this corpse in the centre... so white and theatrical, as actress, with these not clasicall features, with some props, little Ophelia, but damaged in a way, not as pretty as Shakespeare made us believe she was...

colours - oldschool black&white, memories of 20s, classy ladies, no phisiology but death

old photo reminding of time and the end of time for this one character, little personage, a story. fabulous one.

oh fuck, hope this conversation will not turn into lit contest :D

and this religion / cult like corp worship is just sick imho. But i still wait soem insight i did not notice .)

so your taste is that one should see the beauty of some unknown women who happen to have by chance nice look and by chance happen to die like yong and by chance happen to have people around who like to worship dead corpses by decorating them and walking around them and mostly pretending they care or like it would matter. Or something like that :P

besides she looks like she is sleeping, she is not so nice and if one would want to represent some kind of higher sexuality pride, a-sexualty or .. well tell me what it represents and i see if i could make it better? :P

no significance here, pure taste :) but I started to think about it now, cause would never take it into account anybody could not be under impression of such a moment, little treasure, shock and beauty, not the easiest one, but perfectly composed at this photo

yeah maybe ur right, too strong influence of literature :D but is it worse than any other influence, this one celebrates imagination and free associations at least, and melodies. or maybe i just take too much from it, funny :)

i cant see to much magic on dead corpses.
Unless they are painted in artistic way ... but real photo art like that that imitates basic action that people do with dead people .. sorry, not my taste :)

but you are welcomed to explain the significance of this pic :)

one old artistic photograph in Ophelia-like posture, I believe.

really, it's fascinating You don't see the magic of this. I mean, from scientific point of view, really. Couldn't expect it, my little experiment, hihi. You were exposed to my fav taste and the reaction was perfectly mentally-health: wtf! :D :D

wtf is that :D

this picture, here's the photo of it



something's fucked up with uploading photos now on fb :/

bought waht? :)
Cant attach what? :)

hmm cant attach it for some reason

really

wow look at it, one guy bought it yesterday for 25 PLN (6 E)

how calm is her face, and this smile, and intended ugliness, and austere features

was just going throught some pages i liked :P

Margus Waffa likes Adobe Photoshop and 31 other pages.

looks maniac!

It's shame im so tired now (to answer longer) but it really was nice letter, a lot to read (good way), thank you :)

I just want to say that please do worry yourself about us - i understand you have hard time right now, so it takes a bit more from you then irritation to piss me off .)
-> But your apology was really sweet - so thank you for that!
...just know that you do not need to worry about us, our friendship, relationship, secret-private-club-membership - or whatever .. you wanna call it or change it in to, i like it, i like You.
so you can always send your irritated thoughts to me if you feel like it :)


---------
"It's beneficial sometimes to think outside the books... " - i have noticed this specially on you, don't take it bad way:)
---------
...just some random thoughts


But yes, it's hard to give right advice with Marta.. does she take any medication u know of (i kind of remember u told she did before..)? Or have any other bad depressive habits like TV, Alcohol, depressive friends/cults, bad family... can you refreshen my mind about her and her problems please?


PS: really liked the song

Kisses

hey
it's been a long time, long time gone (starting with a verse, but it's really catchy one)

now that I moved from my comfortable wi-fi green room, have not as much time to give you as I want. In Polish we say: 'to sacrifice time to sb', but it's kind of cruel to highline only the other's side benefits as it's always both who fulfill their need for contact. Yes, especially here, where it's me always learning from You.

i'm so confused now, with so many things. Today tried to repeat the lesson i got in Tallinn, to recollect this wonderful feeling of freedom and self-accordance I got from You and Kadri. But seems like everything changed, surroundings are not so sunny and optimisticallly yellowish here, people not so open and staying away from the game. Or it's rather fair to say that the lesson I got was immadietaly forgotten and my old self felt so comfortable with old tracks to follow them automaticaly - old rebellion strategies which I wanted to perceive as critical - whereas they seem to be just nervous.

R. told me I got new nervous tick. It ruined my day, this little remark, cause I suddenly found out how nervous and uncomfty are here, amongst my staff. Strange, so strange. All summer felt so happy with my life, so certain of its joys, so hopeful for its surprises, so calm when imagined i've got my mind, i've got where to hide. I took it for granted. And summer brought even more cheers to me, more hews for dreams, more ways to discover and people (!) to show me their own's. Attitude was completely cheerful, with this certain amount of unsatisfaction that leads you to new lands. And now this nervousness, where it came from?

Now I see it's not people's fault, it's not my short memory neither. It's just hard time of implementation (helo EU vocab, finally useful!) the changes that occured inside me. Had these introspections, I must adjust them to the world I'd built around me. Each gesture needs rethinking. Is it too detached to examine my relations like this? They didn't change, it's new me that came. Marta still suffers from depression, Monika still worrying about my too close relation to the depressed, Dżibuti still away, Dorota still playing hide&seek, Radek remaining unsolved emotional problem. Yeah, some of them I've listed with their real characteristics, some exist as my relation to them. Way too sociopatic, or am I mistaking the word?

And now I see how excessively my life relies on people. I feel too knotted, ivolved into them. And still not ready to give all me, with all this vices I'm fighting with for ages.

One of them punched You as well: this uncertainty of what I do really want - that lied beneath the irritated msgs I had sent You about the scholars and then about circus. Hope You are wise enough to look through it and see it's my own complexes that cause me to attack your words. Sorry for that. So childish and pathetic of me!

Yeah, now I see why did I start this letter - I wanted to apologize for my reactions. Even if You, with your forgiving and positive attitude, didn't really noticed it (so patiently answering!), I wanted to apologize You for feeling irritation where there was no reason for it. Yeah, and I am punished now, stirring the Margus case (special drawer in my head, colorfully painted with markers) with some low negative emotions from my side. It's like remembering sea-sickness from the breathtaking journey on sea, stain at the postcard.

Not being so many of these stains, only this one, only one evening of two or three smses, but still so unfair of me. And then my shame blocked me from writing to You once again. Today I was wondering: what were we talking about all the last weeks, what are the matters I would have liked to share with him? So stupid a way to kill spontanous flow of unlimited fascination, isn't it? Building a cage tiner than my head, so so indecent. The most beatiful was this naturalness of our relation, and I managed to block it from my side - for so many days - two or three, I believe.

So it's been a long time, long time gone... But now I discussed it with myself and with the screen and with the fb box as well, attached a link and even fulfilled the promise to let You know about anything that may concern You - feel pure, feel pure, feel pure, as the Egyptians admitted in their death-letters to the gods of the Unknown.

Sorry for so affected a style, have been reading a lot of woman writers and some love letters between them, it always leaves a track on my style. Maybe I'm just a cliche, but why not a transparent one? To live with no body, pure.

Would love to got some words from You, Margus.

Ola

You know Charles Bukowski, pretty popular american author? he was performing his texts in public, as some other guys: poets like Allen Ginsberg or musicians like Patti Smith. It's a good tradition of POETRY SLAM, a phenomenon started in 80s in Chicago, kind of open mike competitions, but involving audience encouraged to respond to poet's performance. We've got slam craze here in polish poetry scene, it's held monthly in several locals in Warszawa.

"A poetry slam is a competitive event in which poets perform their work and are judged by members of the audience. Typically, the host or another organizer selects the judges, who are instructed to give numerical scores (on a zero to 10 or one to 10 scale) based on the poets' content and performance."

"Each poem must be of the poet's own construction; Each poet gets three minutes (plus a ten-second grace period) to read one poem. If the poet goes over time, points will be deducted from the total score. The poet may not use props, costumes or musical instruments"

Here You've got a track mixing Charles Bukowski's reading his poem and some music added recently. It's not a slam, but shows the power of spoken word created on scene.

If You're interested, I'm gonna send You some more samples of performed poetry with attractive music behind.

& bdw.. this clip was not a point or some most important part of the talk or anyhting liek that at all

i guess im just really bad forwarding my ideas/cosepts & understandings

oooh... Ola...
is this really how you see that i see suecide? c'moon...
and is that really how you understood this clip`?
It's not. and this fear of death for people... living for a sake of being alive.. wtf is that.

my philosophy is not at all that its way out as this sorry to say... is for me personally to ignorant view of death.

and i i mentioned in my talk, if i remeber right ... that "not like most of these million mentioned in there" or something liek that... it was just one small part/consept of the whole big other point
-

i think some of the things isend u... u let them throught with some of your filters... see similar things/ideas... think u understand before you start to think about it and then fast make up ur mind before it.

no i think u did not get my points at all...

yes, and when i tripped there was some words about wizards etc... well and from there i entered to all new world for a second (i mean in my head it was way longer of-course). Because of your sarcasm, some words there and nature of naughty mind i had/have sometimes... actually s&m jokes are pretty common around here, not sure about poland :D
but u did understood right away that the word was 'choice' actually right? Just wanna make sure :D

So anyway, psychedelics are fun thing, its interesting to see how mind reacts to different things and jumps to the new worlds.


well, i did tell you what was my last biggest complex that hold me back from everything and allowed me to do reallly stupid things in past... and i think i come slowly out from it , in big part thanks to girls like you. It's one thing to find brain & beauty but its other thing to find one that has some interest on you also :)

(& yes, as i understand it will be newer completely be cone - but also i cant see why i should or would want to get rid of it completely...)

... but there is so many other things in life to explore and to understand that there will not be no stability in my life soon. There is still to many different, conflicting ideas & theories in my head from life to relationships... so i keep exploring.. and only thing i can recommend is to not take me to seriously (im not assuming u do but ), ...then again, there is parts of me that are dead serious but well, to complex process to go in to this what parts, how and when :)

i don't want ya to be more sick from too much reading so i will finish it up now :P

Have u seen this movie Burn After Reading? Yes.. kind of like that in the end http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQQdSwFgSec or what ?

yeah and it was not s&m... it was a word 'coiche' = being anally penetrated by a fantastic creature, usually an unicorn

yes I did send You and we were really talking about it... but how is it related to computers and/or my sarcasm? :P

i asked a dictionary

a complex:
1. In psychology, a group of related, often repressed ideas and impulses that compel characteristic or habitual patterns of thought, feelings, and behavior. No longer in scientific use.
2. An exaggerated or obsessive concern or fear.

I wonder why it's no longer in scientific use? probably

You say your complexes are right, ok, I give up. I was fighting so hard because of the nature of a complex. It's usually a thing so strongly blocking a person that he can't manage to go out from its control, although he wants to. I thought it's the case with You. But You say it's ok, so it's ok. But still interesting for me.

I have some strong complexes as well, really typical ones. I've got exaggerated complex of being fat and unattractive and can't compel it. It started at the age of 10 thanks to my precious peers who hated me so much in our little town primary school that they were going around and mock me. Don't know why they chose my appearance, probably because they were jelaous of my performing at school, best grades, lots of extra activities, singing, acting, painting, manuals, good at swimming (we were in swimming class), school government, voluntary work in school shop, easy with people, but prefering talks with teachers, as they were more mature. And the worst thing was that we moved to this small town directly from Warszawa and my parents were pretty rich. So they started to bully me, not only split at me, throw at my back papers with my caricatures and - after school - following me and shouting offences, but making me cry on vicious comments that I'm so ugly nobody normal would ever like me. Yeah, I have never won with the complex, knowing it was jealousy of some stupid kids (lets say 100 stupid kids :D), but still feel so bad with my body I never believe someone is interested in me erotically. The worst thing is I accuse myself of not being able to jump over such typical teenager women's magazine complex while I totally understand (1) appearance doesn't depend totally on weigh (2) I'm objectively not so fat to be not attractive.

So You see I really do experience the power of complexes and that's why I'm so emotionally engaged into discussion if they are in some ways positive or not.

ps nice You liked me mail but I would really like You - if it was worth responding - to look through it deeper, cause I really feel my understanding lacks of some logic and I'm afraid this one was not free of huge mistakes as well.

LoL

No really, ... u mean this harry poter fanclub do not have their own s&m underworld lol? I read this out from one website i think u send me... i then i like entered there for a sec..

Damn, it must have been some part of trip then :D

there are some things worth reminding, though :D
(your comments and who liked them)

yeah, You're real fun when You're high, I've noticed in Tallinn, but yesterday it was cool as well, especially when I started sarcastic comments, they really turned You on, your reactions were to straight mention s&m; kind of fun such discussion, I write something sarcastic, You reply with: 'so tell me what s&m equipment you have' :D

thank You for this, my source of entertainment when I can't sleep thanks to cough :D

Good morning :))

Okey im sober again... should really try to stop discussing things when im high, ... i wil even not try to re-read my yesterdays letters but i even do not wanna read the end of in in Skype.. god knows what is there :D
--

LoL, i did no way think that YOU think world as whole is so simplistic, i think i even tryd to mention it there before, kind of funny if you thought so and got a bit offended lol... i just told that ones actions/feelings that your told me you see as "negative" / "complexes" might not be like that at all, all depends how far or close you look the thing, or from what corner. & that some of the complexes might look like complexes on present time but not in other times. I have this disorder that u know... some thoughts are in head and then they all come out from the fingers... often i do nto re-read what i write as th
IF i would have more advanced knowledge in English it would surely help me to express my ideas, really flowed or not - in better form, maybe.

But yes.. Its more then clear that for different people feelings / understandings connected to the words are different. At least as long the people are different.. and mostly they are one on one.

But yes, imho as we agree the feelings & complexes have nothing to do with this how world / space is constructed and if we can look world trough math, physics.. plus - minus spectrum or is the world made of fractals. And i would even not strat to explain to anyone something so big what world is made of or how. I was only talking about feelings & different times, different understandings of what is "wrong" and what is "correct" way for a people to think/believe. I know its nothing new for you in no level (this was the point) but sometimes reading simplistic things help one understand some complex things if one thinks it ower. As there is not enough time/paper (for me at least) to describe how eXacTly mountains is made so we use something else to draw the lines from consept that can be applied for different things as a part of some story.
& i probably did use totally wrong approach for forwarding my ideas in wrong package and what about what was or what i wanted to say so well.. i will keep it for my self now to think it ower :D

and otherwise it will go again, to damn long

but i will still, stay by my words that whatever u call it, this complex related thing u talking about - i say it only had positive outcome how ever negative the out come might be seen by anyone. & even then when positive and negative is just and philosophical consents lol.

(good comices bdw and interesting mail, really)

watched george carlin on suicide and didnt like it and cant see how is the video related to your view on it?

He generally laughs on concept of comitting suicide because, as he shows it, there are 'shits work to do' and he personally is too occupied. So suicide is a whimsy of affluent society, another craze of teenagers or just needless idea of the bored.
I think we agree it's not the point? We both see a suicide as a way out, emergency exit when one has had it with life.

Finally he confesses he would never do it himself. There are people who admit they would be neve able to do harm themselves, I think it's kind of psychological barrier and I don't judge it, just realize it. But why is he laughing at suicide while he personally has got limited experience with it (never felt it's a way so never would discuss it)?

Well, I suppose he just wants make people laugh at such artificial taboo topics to purify them and I appreciate it. That is a power of charismatic comedians, they make you laugh at something big and then you realize you did it, you replaced the illogical fear with laughter, you're healed, the magic disappeared. Love it. But logically he gives here no arguments against it, just uses his enormous comic talent to mock suiciders. Once more I switched off a movie You sent me because I couldn't see the point :)

what I do not think on fractals but David Shringley apparently does :)

just wondering what people see beneath the words they use.
For example: 'positive'. A word for me so easy. A quality. Something is either positive, either negative, either as positive as negative and then - neutral. A quality existing in math, physics, chemistry, related to molecules, electricity, waves, power and mass, directions. A quality little suspicious to me, but they say it exists or - at least - helps solving some equations. So let's say it's 'internal', artificial factor invented to simplify some unknown nature processes and implemented into this limited worldview called enlightenment math. So positive as an artificial category, easy to find and describe, plus in opposite to minus.


Positive/negative division is contradictory to my understanding of the world which is not black&white (more on this topic below).


What’s more, it's suspicious to me because I believe in fractals. I believe that world is organized from small constructions into the greatest ones being bigger-size copies of the micros. Enough to look in great scale at crowd of people, sea currents, desert's sand moving and compare it to the shape of snowflake or DNA chain. Plus chaos& unpredictability factor that one can call God, the other can admire as Power of Nature and the other call Human Magnificence/ Soul, all the same. So if each molecule had particular quality: either plus, either minus, then (1) good and evil were the question of accident (2) good would not change into bad and vice versa.


Both possibilities are open, but are contradictory to my intuition, so I will leave it here for now just to not disturb the topic. Keen on discussing it with You, though, as I’m always curious how is my intuition shaped up by popular beliefs.


Like most of the nature-scientific qualities, the positive/negative category is often tried to be translated into the world of abstract ideas, always in metaphorical sense, as ideas are no physical beings of exact (possible to be measured) mass and powers. What You've written about love-fear-nothing in between Donnie Tesco scale means that in the world of interpersonal relations, emotions, perceptions and mind-generated ideas there is uncountable number of hews - the basis I totally agree with. No need to mention once again that the world is not black&white, actions have different impact on people, judgment depends on billions of things, everything's related to complicated number of unequal factors; and - all in all - one can still take on or reject sth only because of inexplicable intuitions or likings. “Positive” action has its drawbacks and each “negative” action carries new experiences.


But when we say: a war has positive impact on industry, we mean: it has good impact on industry. "Positive" is hiding the meaning of "good', because "good" is holding some moral references, and using moral categories seems too strong when talking about industry (bourgeoisie society leftovers). One is also afraid of rating morally high a phenomenon including deaths and killings, even when he's rating only one context - impact on industry (religious society: death perceived as only bad due to its biblical origins as a divine penalty for mankind). So “positive” is a word-hedge, little euphemism. A quality that may not exist its own, a matter of one's judgment, a more 'scientific' way of saying “good”.


I don’t know why You started this elaborative paragraph in which You tried to explain me that world is far more complicated than my narrow-minded plus/minus point of view. Probably because I persuaded You that your undervaluation is harmful for You. And You admit that it not having positive impact doesn’t mean it has negative one. I agree with the logic of this phrase. Only I am (was) convinced – purely by empathic observance of your emotional reaction during you inner complexes attack – that it had negative impact. This belief has nothing to do with the logic of persuasion. It is how I perceive the effect of these powers that made You feel so worthless the other day.

Do not be afraid to compliment me when you like - it's all not as dramatic as it seems. Just give it only when needed & i know what u mean :)
Also do not think that i will agree with all the compliments (or who knows, u might make them so well hat..) but this is not important - important is that i know you are honest & not doing it in reasons that i would not like. Just do not think about it to much... take it easy. & do not be afraid to be harsh if needed - i need it to become better :)
Oh.. and there is nothing wrong with suicide - or a least we cant be sure here is nothing wrong with it. But i have my own logic when suicide is totally accepted & good decision and when it's kind of... well, weak. We might think death is bad thing.. but how we know it? Now when we start to think about what a miserable rotten place THIS world would be with out death... hmmm, scary. So yes, suicide is not ONLY the end of people who cant handle or are messed up etc etc
But of-course, i cant say that i agree with all these people listed in here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l81W-jcOuj0

so,
If you really think i am am great person so.. how you think i because like this? Might it have to do with different kind of logic & value systems then most of people ? Maybe not, maybe its just in a blood - but i will not rule out that this might have something to do with this you might like. Maybe

You ARE really great girl & will start appreciate your words EVEN more with times that come. (nothing personal, just with first hype always people might be more enthusiastic about the things then they really are in the end) I also hope you will no fall madly in love with me jet :P as this would blind your brilliant mind with all the aspects of me. So try to stay as clear minded as possible but also keep me updated with anything that might concern me. I really hope to be in touch with you long time :)

So,some direct replys to your mail
What i do - does not couse me a pain , its nothing about "can be motivated only by beating", and yes.. each complex MIGHT be (not is) minus, but it's only this way in today's world. By today's accepted understanding of human & human mind it might be like that - this does not mean it is.
'Complex' by him self is just often another word to demonize some of us who perceive world differently. It's like word 'drug' that everyone thinks they understand but in the end it's a mostly tool (he word) to separate, demonize & control people (besides making hellofa lot of money & gaining more power from competition powers). Words to make different group of people to think certain, similar way about certain things. There is many words like that.. to many, if one starts to think about it..


If one gos back in history u will find that there is many different "complexes" & psychiatrical disorders that different doctors/academics have been trying to fix on different times in hospital,in school, with drugs to beating to ..u know. Complexes from sexuality to science. Like not long time ago they had medical diagnosis in europe for people who play with then self - ever, and even dreaming/fantasizing was considered a thing not for normal people. Luckily SLOWLY we might start to coming out from understanding, that same sex thing is not medical contition or even if it is by some book, if they manage to prove it its bad flux of nature - there is no healthy ways to cure it - or need. But yes... back then It was normal however not to place man's & women's books next to each other - unless they was merryed of-course! All of this is laughable now - or worst, forgotten. But it's us, europe - not long time ago.

But what makes one think that we are right NOW in the high of enlightenment aria where we have all answers what is wrong and right. And first at all - answer to the word 'right' ... what does that word mean anyway? Does this word have some kind of lasting power to stay same?

So where i get with my mile long story is - do not take my system, my view as so dramatic one. Ride along, be prepared as much you can and if you care just try to understand (just a highlights) & not so much worrying about how bad i is for me if we cant be sure - if it is :)

(this is written before ur last email but i was unable to send it as other things come

to my road)
----
I am working on for a moment for other things.. okey, maybe for some more hours. Bdw.. u have skype? Why we dont talk :)
Correct me if i am wrong but it sounded for me that you had a kind of similar view/logic to this teacher in some sense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_puc8ojNctA - i mean not directly, entiarly, not by far so narrow minded any way... but using logic "if it's not one then it's probably the other ONE" is not the only logic.
I will not say "correct logic" as things are only correct in relation to someones world view - this does not make them correct or not correct, just an a view, in certain time, in certain community, kind of like reality channel if you may.

Well, it go's even more complex as you can probably imagine if you fallow this logic. As if something is not positive it does not mean it is negative and if something is negative it does not mean it is not positive. For starters. You see i's petty easy :)

I's not directly linked to topic but it's like our mind & body - is not one & is not two, it's one & two (at least) same time and MAYBE sometimes not. So continuing same road, let's not simplify that if i feel (or do not feel) one way "then it means" - i must feel the other way. A way that common academical/psycologcal books describe/define.
There is more to reality, but you know it probably yourself, just let ur mind fly, there is endless possibilities, really. OKey, maybe not endless, as i cant be sure if something like that exists - but for sore it's a shit load of possibilities :)
(at least)

...sometimes ones intelligent mind might get "fixed" to thinking certain paters because of to much books & lectures from guys who read to much books who ... well.. imho in the end it narrows down to few people who make up some theory's as THEY see the world & they (or someone) had academical/financial power to make it a new standard/discovery "how things are". Rest of us now must go and learn, how they are or we get expelled from institutions. IMHO many academics what i see are cheeps who read others works and then at BEST compare different works in the limits of some borders that they know some existing group would probably accept - that's about it. No real questioning if it's all BS and fight against it - even just for heck of it, juSt for a liFe time. It's way more beneficial then repeating it all word on word. Current education system (or "wisdom")) is not like ancients/tibetians human-computer/library system where one needs to remember certain kind of information exact way & then according to instructions pass it on and that's it. Damn, even they had actually not word on word always but concept of combination of words - and not written ones. Even our own Pluto was skeptical about passing on knowledge in written forms if one looks back. Maybe there is reasons..

about the academics who only theorizing different things they have read, one good quotation come to my mind:
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains" - by one little know women Mary Pettibone.

& don't you feel sometimes that stock has shortage of last items in these days?

but i do think, all of us have more potential/tools then ever to evolve so i would not wanna praise any person to be way more extraordinary then most of others. & definably not my self who is mostly wasting most of the opportunities to do something:)
..as one is not convinced jet hat there is a point to his. But i do continue as i can be sure there is not :)
----

hihi (the last one, promise!)

yeah animal coll in speakers :)

trying to watch south park, i feel weaker and weaker these days, still coughing and stuff. a little worried about studies, they start on monday. you know its awful to loose first days at uni, when u meet people u havent seens half a summer :) not to mention all things happening in the city now, aargh hate diseases

ok its a little bit crazy I'm putting any effort into proving You have got a problem, but the thing is it seems so hopeless to give You positive feedback if it doesn't come into your head, blocked somewhere before.

and You may reply: So do not, Ola.
and I would say: I can't, it's treating You differently then. And rating is my right and my responsibility, my brain's mechanism of perceiving the world around and organising the data.

it's so unfair that such a great person as You, whom I respect a lot and that caused so many incredible changes in my life has even no consciousness about it. You should be happy to know it I should be happy (a feeling I can't have NOW) to share with You.

And finally: it's a straight way for You to take up admiration towards the others, when You can't realistically rate your value. And it's kind of unbalanced relation, when You give positives to the others and secretly don't get theirs. Logically it can't be a natural system.

It's just a offence for the reason, blocking it. It's just blocking the information!

heh I really want You to be more happy, it's so easy...

Hi, Margus, so sorry for delay! I pressed You to point out your very deep and personal problems and then left You for half a day with no reply... Not very mean of me. Comparing to last days speed we can call yesterday a 'no contact' ;-)

But as I said, it was only partly my fault... I was waiting impatiently for You FINALLY revealing what You are avoiding to confess straight, and then when read it, felt I need so much time to show my point of view.. Cause it's much more complicated than You showed it. You have this gift of simplifying issues and marking them with (+)/(-), and it sounds so logical... whereas for me your system is simply sick if it causes your pain. and each complex is a minus problem by definition! NO, complexes are NOT one's protection against superiority feeling. Let me show You:

You ARE great person with extraordinary gifts, full of love and loved by the great people. And You consider yourself sb not deserving complements and good words. You are probably not able to admit You deserve your happiness. Maybe You're training yourself (Yoda network theory) as an animal that can be motivated only by beating? That is cruel towards animals and that is cruel towards men. You say: it works. I say: but it causes harm elsewhere. It damages your mind's construction. It lets negative feelings construct your inner life. It opens your heart to bad powers.

Each being needs love and understanding, needs to feel special for some people - not fucking boosting around 'I'm special!', but reasonably locating himself in a little network where he's special for these he cares about as well. These are relations, and relations are the good reason to stay here. This is my knowledge gained by observing the others. When one doesnt feel needed in a structure, then he quits (suicide).

You know depression, You know that's depression's beginning. When You catch only criticism, then one day You start thinking: heey, maybe I'm just broken down toy, not worth repairing on and on each fucking day? Soo sick.

And, honey, I'm not pissed off now or anything. I'm emotionally engaged in the discussion, that's why expressing so openly in short concnlusions like: 'it's sick'. It doesn't mean I look down on You in this field. I really DO see there's sth wrong here and - as we both admit it - help myself in closing paragraphes. If You don't like such quasi-criticsm as 'it's stupid', tell me, I'll stop it.

questions: what are ego death feelings?
tell me more about ENTP, from what I've scanned from wiki, it sounds interesting.
what are 'old times' and when they finished?

srry, just some time ago realised u send me a message about u have no netts.. no problem .)
(K)

UUkey, no replys today i guess :)

(K)

I wonder what ya doing...
Do you get better (i mean your health) ?

--
/me is cooking ...
i mixed up things i found i will see what comes out from the owen potatoes :D

Inner complexes: inferiority complex .. and some random ego death feelings sometimes. This is partly normal considering my personal profile that on old times at least was usually around ENTP
Also i think its better to feel a way that i feel vs that one is superior, matters a lot and is better then others. Besides i felt that ur insulted for wrong reasons so this added oil to the fire


- i mean its all same thing that i felt i have talked over and over again in last days... so hmm. i hope it is clear now and we can move oon... :)


& signals that i receive wrong was that u was not insulted actually a way i thought, not mad, not angry & was in the end feeling OK with most of the things related to me & Estonia.

- and i think this was also already raveled that i misunderstood you & u me a way, so... cant see a problem here neighter :)

i will, you stay cute mean time :)

believe me, after what You performed that evening, there's nothing more interesting for me now. You proved (1) I read You completely wrong (2) multiple personalities is more sophisticated than I dared to imagine

I'm more into it than ever, want to unfold your mysterious head, even if it takes months (amen)

when You have time to respond, please hang on to the two questions I posed

but i do like that ur not giving up :P

It takes some time more before i get back with the answers as i still have some running around to do :)

interesting minimal :)

hihi thats funny, seems like yesterday we were both waiting for each other to finally respond, pretty sure it's the other side's turn to answer the question

as if we were both lying on our backs and peering through the sky, instead of taking a glimpse of each other

so could You please finally reveal the mysteries of that evening's situation? We're still in the mists of my theorizing about it :D

to remind You the key topic:

"It's totally normal for persons to go over an edge sometimes with inner conflicts specially if for some reason one received some signals wrong - and it's even more normal imho that one takes time off & comes back with and answers later. "

sure, and I want to know what inner conflicts took control over You yesterday.

and what signals did You receive wrong?


(Good morning, my sweet Margus!)

Yeah baby,it was good theory, in a way party fits in many situations but not in yesterdays,as much as i can remember. Sometimes to much intellectual thinking/theorizing is not good :)

yeah great timing :)

ok good sleep for You Both :))

ok so it was a geneal idea, because i think that people generally name in a few words their role/ aim in life, so the phrase i used is what i feel would be yours self-perception. and what is behind it, kind of methaphorically: building a network sharing information - You yourself told me that is your 'Element' (they even wrote a book about it). and You - here are more maybes/ blind guesses - want to control if it works properly -> You are above -> You can't be lead by personal/ emotional impulses -> must be pure, objective computer collecting data -> must draw straight aims -> must base your understanding on objective facts -> must collect independent knowledge -> must in a way work hard to deserve taking control over it -> it must last longer than You/ be Your creation here on Earth

and from this I guess yesterday You felt You lost control over situation -> you were encompassed by memories in which You perceived yourself as a person that didn't create a perfect situation -> then You thought I'm pissed off for some reason -> again lost of control -> lost of supporters -> and so on?

oh really, probably I'm completely wrong from the very beginnig, so we're loosing time with my elaborations on guesses :)

But... Kadri arrived now. I'l go to sleep :)
-

You also please take a sleep now (if ur not already)

I told you you can continnue on 12:21am ... still waiting :)

I am waitng you to talk about it so i first asked to put your thoughts in different format as some fancy words can mean so many different wide ring of things... so i wanted to see what is behind the words, what did you mean.

so You will not talk with me about the problem? or just feel too tired now?

thats america, everythings will be fine :D

damn, i was waiting that someone is taking a axe and kills him.. or punch at least... but .. fak, wait for nothing :D

aaaa now i know what from i knew this guy! love the clip&dance (and song too :D)

ps now as You revealed You're watching sth, I suddenly started to bomb You with links, know You appreciate it, no need for thanks :P

I was/am listtening one interesting talk from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Braungart

No you can continnue :)
But this "watchdog that observes from above how his international network is working." sonded interesting but can you please expain what that means with out words "observes", "perceive ", "international network" & maybe even watchdog ... so anyway, take it away : )

cause You didn't poke me back

NO, we didn't talk it over, my darling. we're heading towards the clue.

if You don't want, just tell me:*

my suspect is that You perceive yourself kind of a watchdog that observes from above how his international network is working.

yesterday You lost control and got panicked

aaarh i just thought we finished up all this and talked ower my darling :P

Are you sure u do not need any sleep? :)

could You please start using paragraphes or give them numbers? :D your so avid writer, thats great, but pretty hard to discuss with :*

"It's totally normal for persons to go over an edge sometimes with inner conflicts specially if for some reason one received some signals wrong - and it's even more normal imho that one takes time off & comes back with and answers later. "

sure, and I want to know what inner conflicts took control over You yesterday.

and what signals did You receive wrong?

So for a reply... i would not say that i have problem with my undervaluation. In fact i would strongly disagree with it and think you might be wrong on this as i think i under-valuate my self pretty well as i just proved yesterday lol

But yes, the thing was yesterday that i did not "run away" from the problems or anything, i told you "i will be back tomorrow with an answers, im not to clear headed right now" basically - there is REALLY big difference. as most people in this earth spit out all the peak emotions from their mouth what comes at any given moment of time - specially when it comes to arguments, issues and yelling. The end result is that lot of stuff will be said that was not meant to or what does not make sense if one thinks it over or takes time to listen other side, think & then form opinions/answers. with cool head.
It's totally normal for persons to go over an edge sometimes with inner conflicts specially if for some reason one received some signals wrong - and it's even more normal imho that one takes time off & comes back with and answers later.
So i would say that even if my system does fail on some crisis situations then it fails rarely, mostly only whit people who i am emotionally connected and who matter to me a lot one or other way. The "talk it out later" is the safety lock if something like that happens, and it does not happen often (so ur special:P). I will newer take "fuck it i do not wanna talk about it, ever, get away" approach.
besides this, the yesterdays thing was kind of extreme condition as i strongly over think some things... but it was a good thing as now next time i do strongly think more then twice before heating myself up. Also it was good as i know that i still have work to do on this department to really accomplish the mind of "peace" at any given moment. So now looking back i rather would wanna thank you for this .. something to work on :)
i was thinking, that maybe one thing why i do not like to get to much credit is first of course many thing are not worth credit as i was just lucky or was not doing anything extra ordinary that any other person would not accomplish if one would have same situation but for second, i kind of feel, that many people do work for credit and kind words - so i do not want to. Most things i do i want them to be unconditional .. and if i get to much "glory" for some of the things then it kind of messes up the game as all this starts to feed ego-thingy. I do not like it directly, i prefer to stay neutral as if i live up in the clouds i cant see what happens on the ground - or under it, so it would be really hard to help the ones from there, up there, if they want to. I want to be able to tune my self to same level whit many different people, to see with their eyes (& then hand them a pair of classes if they need :P).

last part was probably really confusing but it does fit on my matrix...

but now.. tell me the suspect u have, would be interesting to know :)

wow I cant say, I really cant say. some things I changed due to positive some due to negative feedback. i can remember now that hard criticism helped to change myself dozens of times in my life while generally friends' support and appreciation gave me power to go on with some artistic areas. but it all is like a ball of wool, these motivations. there are people whose opinion is important for me in some fields. i.e. my family finds most of my doings disgusting and inappropriate and while I know they're intelligent and educated, I do not care about their taste. and a friend of mine who has completely different view on cheating can criticise me on my honesty and I will not care. so You see, it all can work like this in my life, I need each type of feedback, listen to it and then filter in my head, accord it with my dreams, needs and range - cause if I do most tgings only for myself, it doesnt matter if people will like it. esthethics is very personal category, You must judge yourself, collect opinions and judge. and that's why I would never say that positive opinions are needless.

bdw did u happen to lissten the Eve Ensler from my last wall post, what do ya think about her talk ?

i was cooking some panncackes with cheece, i will finish eating them and will rply then :)

.. but still, i would like to get answer from u also about my last questions, at least partial one :)

well, Margus, we're not discussing objectively the best methods of motivation. I agree, it depends on person.

however, from what I see, You do have a problem with your undervaluation. Your system of self-rating may be workin well in everyday life but then are coming situations as this yesterday and it all falls down and You must run away from communicators. So it fails in crisis situations. What kind of crisis situations are these? How could You described the problem You felt yesterday? I've got my suspect but won't tell You now.

What is the 3 biggest things in your life you love what you changed/continued/made better ONLY thanks to pure compliments from other people ?

and is there any things u have changed because of any criticism/"how to do better" teachings ?

haha @ comics! (Y)

i mean you are right in some sence.. but then again - i cant for sore say that neural is more bad then positive image of myself
--

its not like i get all paranoid whit every positive thing someone tells about me... specially if there is something that is worth telling good word about - it's ok (as of now cant name any real accomplishments but im sore there will be in future:P)

and maybe if i know the person and that he/she is sincere -maybe it instead helps to fix my "complex" ... & motivates... but of-course only if i see some helpful criticism also.. or at least will not compliment me on every small step over and over again - then it starts to be really uncomfortable and i start to feel like some one "special" who needs sugar bred in for every step forward. .

to be honest to think about it... i cant really think a lot of things i do that someone has tell good things about in past and i because of this have continue it, started to do it more, differently, better, being more motivated or anything like that. I cant think anything big at all.
But there is many negative things that after one saying i changed the ways or look in to it how and if i do it.

so if i look the results, i cant up to now really see the big hype about positive comments - they seem not to motivate, change or be any other way useful for me.

& the point is not to fix all the negative things - its also important to know and be prepared about them.

----
&
it all depends mood also i guess... and i guess i have been lightening up about it now more and more.

but yes.. i cant see helpful criticism as a bad thing

You cant fix all Your disadvantages, its impossible
and even if You fixed all minuses, but still cant see pluses, then You're only neutral?
and from what I see You make up these minuses from nothinf, its inpredictable process, kind of state when You v got flow of 'how hopeless am I'? then You'ra like a little poor lonely Moomin :(

look, little help picture for You :)

you fix the minuses :)

ok cause if You accepts only minuses about You, how can You live with it?

sounds all totally logical to me :P
i think this is the easy part

yeah and that is realll y funny. You ask so openly for criticism and there is the other You that blocks positive opinions. cant understand it

"from your side it was far better than expected"

no no, I meant that it all was awesome, although wish to have another chance, cause from my side sex was full of flaws, as I was blocked of expressing myslef, ashamed of doing things and basically inexperienced. and knowing this I didnt expect it to be very good cause what can You do when your partner dont want to ask your questions or just hide her face in the pillow, as i was doing?

(well going to You i wasnt even sure if any physical relation would start, but still sometimes after - and during - Italy i desired You so much that dreamt about it)


so the sentence meant basically that it was better than i was afraid it would be only because of the work on your side

"... but i do want to repeat it all longer, in bigger bed, in warmer room with better cannabis in the end :P" - sounds like Warsaw :D

it must be so easy to read my messages if there is many replays for different messages all in random order :D

lol as i told, all these details are pretty unimportant by their own, and i only over dramatize when i have these small periods of down feelings, if something is triggering them, this way i told i need to get off from internet fast yesterday as i learned my self enough to know it will be all right again tomorrow, latest.

And your side in bed (i know its kind of back in you mind, kind of) - was more then ok - little bit humble but it's totally understandable in this situation and we was realistically not for hunt of all night long orgasm filled crazy sex anyways so i am pleased with You and what we had :)

... but i do want to repeat it all longer, in bigger bed, in warmer room with better cannabis in the end :P

--
oh one last question more about this talk... i noticed the "from your side it was far better than expected" - just wondering does 'me' look something so little to except .. or what it looks to expect in whole if one does not know me? It would be interesting to know for me as i cant see my self outside as stranger. So if you can please tell me about this, it's interesting to me :)
its purely scientific/psychological/medical (etc) question so i can know my self better and how i appear to others.
--

for summing the talk up...
i would say that the fault of yesterdays thingy was in big part mine so .. let's move on from that point now - if you want to :)


---
Don't forget the diagnoses i told you about multiple personalty's so to have a "picture" of me ... well, good luck with that ... u have been warned, come in :P
-
there is no ends, there is just new starts :)

(the end)

for now - fuck - it all looks to me as if the all havoc yesterday was caused by my 'prepare-deserve' remark? am I right?

and Your problems with underestimation is the other issue, the most important here for sure. but it turned out later and I want to have the things explained before we decide to move into Your personality, if You will not mind to let me in.

is it the only reason for You not liking to go back in time, I mean such uninmportant stuff as old bed and chill room? or is something more beneath it?

sex:

well whatever you say, I personally feel totally comfortable with my memories about You and me :) all these settings are not the matter. I went into your life (a thing I love to do) and wanted to see it in real, with all the details. your bed, your bathroom, your girlfriend, your ideas, your - disturbed by me, but still - rhythm. believe me, that is really easy to treat some inconveninces as fun, taste of place, if they last only a couple of days.

can't see why You should be worried now about these imperfections? that's cute You want the best for me in these days, but take it easy. You can only stirr memories now. And I tell You - they are perfect in my head, and will be more perfect when I will start missing You even more.

u little füürer u :P

to be continued :D
(in a minute)

oh God, good morning, our little Vietnam :D

ok that's fine ginger is not between us anymore :D i've just eaten some sushi with my sister and was looking at the pickled pink vegetable with kind of condemnation :D

no, we totally missed the point yesterday! i was not angry at your post, didn't feel offended. i was so far away from this feeling that didnt even consider this 'heated... angry...' remark to be related with my side, not yours! sorry for being so straight and decisive in my justifications, like: 'it's stupid'. have some problems at uni while writing essays/ dscussing because of this idiotic and childish maniere of expressing my opinions so authoritatively.

Jup.. i wanted to ask how is your healing going. Bronchitis sounds good choice :P

But resp please, do not torture yourself whit my emails :)

gonna answer You in a moment, just a little bit weak now. did i mention i've got bronchitis? :D

lol:D

i think this is better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paDiKZ3vPLU :p

Okey, good morning Vietnaam!

So let's start up.. basically i will look trough what i write yesterday & will look if it makes sense and then send it:)
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- >

Nooo ... it was to much i better sum it up whit few words. Like we say in Estonia: Pikk jutt on sitt jutt :P

So in short i felt that you deserved so much more for your first time, better everything & i kind of felt down that it was not delivered for a person like you.
& no.. the ginger was not the main topic for me at all lol. This just started the chain of other feelings and turned dramatic when i saw that you got mad or insulted at wrong things, last thing i would wanna do is hurt you some ways ... the ginger thing, lol - I can joke about it - it's not a big problem as it's all in the head, at the moment & that's how body/mind works for different people, in different times, under different pressure, no biggie. I do not limit my ...(cantFindAwordHere).... with things like that :)


But all of the other details ... well, now looking back with fresh mind it's not as dramatic as it would have appeared from my meter long letter yesterday where i saw my being as totally worthless and failed. For the circumstances it was as it was possible looking logically... so i do not feel bad like i was not doing something i could. But i still, sometimes it feels bad that i was not able to provide for you better circumstances, that you had to settle with someone like me, etc... I just really would have wanted that everything would have been perfect for you if you look bask, that's all. Even the bed for starters LOL.
WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY?! :D

oh.. and the letter 3:18am - it was a question, if i feel right that you expressed these feelings on your last emails.. these was not my feelings:)

and what is you exact issue with this philosophy/ideology ( you seem to not like) that its okey for a guy to serve/please a women & in return women can return the favor a way she chooses ? Starting with just being happy. If she is. Often there is nothing more to it.
i know feminist have some kind of issue with this as they seem to get stuck only to this kind of thinking that this is a way of controlling women or using or something other illusive like that. My my world is not only one way... its all the ways as needed. So sometimes i like to please a women, sometimes i like to have my space and not bothered by any one, sometimes i like sweet, sometimes raught sex & sometimes some other role plays, maybe, sometimes i like to go around & sometimes just hug for all day long. Always i like the feeling that i can do / go if i want to & the other one will understand. Only thing i expect from persons i associate in relationship terms is sincerity and acceptance and ..and not doing anything she hates because she thinks i would like it if she (pretends to) like it. Honesty in short.
Of course the list is longer and is more complex but you get some idea.
--
so even if we take your pointed "M-prepare, O-deserve" - what is in your opinion so bad thing with this? No really, i would like to discuss it to get more in your mind. It really started to interest me as it seems there is something more behind it.


so i finish now and let you also write :P

& sometimes i REALLY regret not speaking finnish :D

I'm waiting for

well now i feel stupid, if i only knew You had any complexes...

cause for what i see now you were moved by the ginger remark because of my purely technical information on erection? and You associated it with the incident I didnt remember (reminded it minute ago) in Tallinn? and felt ashamed on yourself or something? now i feel stupid for being so indelicate... but its all because

(1) i dont even remember about it
(2) now when im thinking about it it seems so natural that you were nervous; you cant even imagine how fucking nervous was I; you surely noticed!
(3) well it was all great anyway, i mean our sexual life, from your side it was far better than expected; + i feel so sure on it that didnt even consider for a sec You would take any negative remark personally (fuck now i feel so blocked on giving any positive feedback; we must work it on quickly...!)
(4) you seem so open a person, searching for objective knowledge, facts, science, taking criticism, giving criticism - I personally would never believe you would be touched by my criticism. and if the incident really WAS a problem, and I would dare to tell You, i would never expect You being - as you called it - heated... angry... and so on

waiting for Your reply

have a nice sleep :*

fuck now i feel you gonna torture yourself with your problems half a night... fuck sorry for that...

hope you'll manage to relax anyway :*

good night, my Prince :)

i newer told, i have smart way of thinking...
...
but

Good night for now - let's finsih it up tomorrow :)



PS: Im sorry if i get u upset as i did not know how to express my self properly

(K)

dont know why but suppose you might like it :)

ok. i just dont understand why did u said that you feel you "were not able to prapare it for me as I would have deserved". dont see why u should have been preparing anything for me. and what kind of preparing you meant?

look at the words, how you divided actions in this sentence: M-prepare, O-deserve

now im curious cause your reaction means i didnt get the meaning well. so now explaining how did i get it: you feel not comfortable cause youre kind of perfectionist who feel our sex lacked of something and now you feel its your fault cause you could have prepared it better before


this kind of thinking i found stupid, Margus :)

damn & now i notice i copy wrong picture url - it meant to be one more funny looking boy eating food but... emm
not matters right now as it got more interesting with this accident i think.

i will read couple of times more ur last message to get it fully but im sure i really get it after i send this message.

so lets start
what did u mean by first sentence? by this "you prepare" thing?
...from some corner i really feel some kind of heat... rage.. offence.. something like that?

before i go any more further.. can ya explain the stupid one ower here ur last message please.

Dont be shamed to be more direct :)

pickled sushi ginger (they paint it into pink for esthethic reasons)
with some traditionally green wasabi paste (actually its european horseradih they import to japan and paint in green and pretend to be japanese as well :P)

what u mean by this division: you prepare, i get? kind of stupid.
it was not a homework for you, and im not your client paying for your services

and at deserving - i feel that its rather You that could have been unsatisfied with the other's quality :)

damn.. i was first reading that "gingershavesoul" - now looking other way around it might not be so funny.. then again... fuck the political correctnes. words do not mean but the meaning behind the words is what matters - so i feel no shame :)

--
But if we already did start talking about sex then yes... i dont feel to good about it as i was not able to prapare it for you as you would have deserved. ..so yeah, i do not have to comforatable feelings related to to this as of now
... and all turned kind of vierd as i bring my mind in to it right now

--

Well.. about the ginger... not sore what's up with the japanese but i think ginger does not help with my erection :

thought rather about eating it together while you and me naked, then no need for sticks, and 'maki' are so long to chew them :P and ginger is believed to work good for erection, old japonese secret

well, if one of u serving it naked with some sensual asian music and nice lights... well... then i upgrade the "ower rated" to "not bad"

so must find more successful ways to put You into pleasant mood while serving it :P once betting, hate loosing!

:D

lol... but you must be ready mentaly that after you have prepared it 2 hours, i eat it, i will say "it tasted ok, but it's still owerrated" :)

gosh youre right, typos are fun :)

no man, if You think sushi is overrated, You must taste the one made by us. i guarantee You will change Your estonian mind :D

You better fold YOUR finger off from your last laptop :P :*

i meant u still cant "hold ur finger off" ... my typos :D

(im in middle of scruwing up my last working laptop)

didnt catch this sentence?

lol & u still cant fold ur finder off from videos :D:D

i think susi is owerrated :P

so sorry, dont publish it on youtube :P

ok it may be a little bit longish (2:54), but it was made for her and me only so full of our secret jokes ans so. we're making sushi, its called 'life is like rice', with pretty absurd music :D

is it a pornographic?
i do not mind :D

yes:)

well time to introduce some names, otherwise we're lost :P

on video its Monika, lives in UK, the sexy one we were together at the Animal Collective concert. she studies fine arts and makes great photos. You've seen her guy as well :))

the one I live with now is Marta, she made this graphics on my plaster, studies arts as well. want to watch a short movie with her? :)

jup, i like it :)
Was she the one on video ?

no, shes just so talented photographer and a girl everybode smiles to :)

nice You liked the movie, we're really happy there :)

no really, you are damn cute, arrrgh! :)

you are to cute :)

hi hi one guy wrote on my wall that he absolutely loves my new profile picture and the details - especially earings - are genial. he's a graphic, knows what he's talking about, really :)))

congratulations! :D

here is the answer + the time I told You about (2:40)

:D

Was this the time u tell me about ? :D

guess whose arm is it anyway? :D

yeah i agree, no need to make these calculations, cause it was only me taking taxis, Margus :)


yeah and my adress for bank account

ul. Przy Bażantarni 4/2
Warszawa 02-793

Cool talk about birds http://www.dolectures.com/speakers/speakers-2009/tim-birkhead :)

C'mone i am not as cheap as i look, just bankrupt @ the moment so no need to make these calculations "minus who took taxi where" etc :D

Account Name:

93 1020 1042 0000 8302 0183 9919
Aleksandra Wasilewska
-------------------------------------------
Bank Name & Address:

Powszechna Kasa Oszczednosci Bank Polski SA
PO Box:
ul.Pulawska 15
Warszawa-00-975
Poland
-------------------------------------------
IBAN Code:

BPKOPLPW
-------------------------------------------

ok and the sum. it was like 500 koronas, minus something like 150k for taxis? dont remember exactly, the last was like 70, right? are these all costs or I missed something? if not, please send 350k minus operational costs in euro

love your currency, it looks so serious, these hundreds of koronas :D

:)

I think maybe you already found it from the track you posted.. but if not here is some more darkPsy:

http://www.youtube.com/user/DarkPsyVideos & hes paylist http://www.youtube.com/user/DarkPsyVideos#p/c/AA433EE0D5C3390C/0/zV1mSzbdFS8

We just had a party (http://www.psytrance.ee/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1579) with them music like that ( roma-voodo http://soundcloud.com/roma-voodoo & others ).
It was great :))

hahahah, love ur comments on Skazi xD I am sure this jew would be pissed of to hear it :D
----


So you got speakers as i can see:)

Psychoz - Get Away (Darkpsy)

this one is awesome! even when listening it from my laptop, feel surrounded by some strange things. it's got energy, really love to happen to be in place where it really can act on me

1200 micrograms - Rock into the future

good trance, must admit it
these old guys are cool :D
guitars remind me of Rocky series, though, kind of oldschool :D
and personally not sure if were able to recognize this track again

Skazi - I Wish

hate this synthesized vocals
and dont like how thi guy looks like - really wet italian one

what is your website project about?

Jup... cant see the reason to be afraid of things like death, if then respect perhaps instead. Only thing i was worrying actually that i was not able to finish my website project in that way so other people can continue it / my vision... (so i was not wasting time/cash with it that i could have spend with other people) but even this worry has a bit settled down now as ... maybe everything is a way it should be ... good testing ground for people's will. Hmm.. anyways, i will go and make some pancakes & will be back after i finish one work..
I managed again to waste portion of time to my song video postings as i have bad habit not just posting video but try to give with video some extra information for these few out of thousand who might be interested and who might see it, maybe.

( psy thing is kind of like... u know, introduction for people about psy thing :)

Let's hope you get well soon :))

strange dreams You have, really, so anxious.. so aware of relativeness of the things/ actions... must think about it


yeah now im so weak, strange state, lying most of the time and perceiving things kind of... differently... some details, ceiling, colours (!), drums, warm, kind of purple bottle... some words crossing my hot head, fever thing, not able to concentrate on anything else than me - and some surprisingely micro-scale details

reading a lot, some correspondence, some fictions, thats why writing a lot as well. it always works like this, doesnt it? when listen to music, start making music, when going back from gallery, making some pics, as if all the life was just a reaction to the impulses you catch? dont believe in people's being more or less intelligent, some are just not listening to themselves, not conscious of powers of self-expression.

must go now, feel a little fainted, so strange

and downloading dozens of pics from net, gonna share it

hope You have some rest and not let any wicked illness settle down in Your harmonic organism :)



ps just thought that You're kind of person that nothing can destroy. all these fears people close eyes against: illness, death, loss of relatives, not to mention money/ job. You have your head where store all the important, am I wrong?

the Groke, this sad female creature that introduces winter and fear, crying once, and once dancing for the moomin by the sea

yeah seems like great fun on weekend

btw what You mean by 'psy session'?

a new book is being admired by me from this moment on - the Moomintrolls by Tove Janson. Have You read it? love the series, so sad and beatiful. and the illustrations by her and her wife, so touching

and the Groke thing, love it

here some more pics of david shringley u asked about

xD

lol, good comices... (where is the seccond one from?).

i try to wakeup ... have have had hard nights ower here.
how's you feaver, getting any better?

---

ehehee.. they have harry botter wiki: http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Slytherin - is that a wiki or what :D

now i can start intelligent conversation with you like
Did you know:
...that both Albus Dumbledore's and Ron Weasley's self-proclaimed proudest achievement was being featured on a Chocolate Frog Card?
...that Squibs cannot see Dementors?
...that Harry Potter's son, James Sirius Potter, stole the Marauder's Map out of Harry's desk?
...that Araminta Meliflua tried to pass a bill that made Muggle-hunting legal?
...that Quidditch is less popular in the Far East because they prefer to use flying carpets over broomsticks?

& many other questions full of Harry wistom
-

----------
i got some reallly nice cannabis and Kadri had extreme strong cannabis trip:P She is all weird now again - in different ways. Im not telling, that weird is bad or anything just.. hmm lets see. She wrote me yesterday all night long love poems when i was doing psy session with one of my other old (girl)friend.

+ some strange realistic dreams also about multiple level close friends (starting from childhood) + many cute girls who was corrupted in different reality level by different forces (or it seemed like that before). I mean who ever was revealed revealed someone elses bed intentions who in return next one..etc. but the secret himself was not revealed where it come from... as everyone had a reason because of someone else evil(?) thoughts why they did something...
in the end it turned a bit harry b(l)otter when one black snake come...to large library where was a lot of people - many in school uniform... it lived under the library with ones family... and me and one other was like "finally the one Evil i was looking for...its final one" ...We run in second floor where was even more people to save the day... and snake did the same - we meet at the stairs... stopped but for my good reactions it was not able to attack me...i thought (secretly i felt lucky then..)

and started the witch hunt back on back with my friend as we entered to the second floor... we was sore it should attack us at any moment (we was in the middle of room... all the people around us..most of them even not reacting like something strange is happening..) we was spinning looking at floor and between the people and chairs... and then it come .. it attacked and... and someones young brother was bitten instead me... then i think i managed to attack it, kill it,people was cheering that the evil is finally catch... and then i was plugged out.. wake kind of up.. continue the thought...half dream... then it all come to me...FUCK... it was all lie..
this nake was Innocent she ...with clean and pure young heart... if she would wanted she would have killed me on the stairs before... she was sent there by someone to deliver something else to somewhere... this boy was killed therefor by someone else at the right moment so that i would kill the snake and there will be big conflict between people and them... as they would have right to be mad also... we in their eyes might seem then like mindless monsters who brutally for no reason killed their beautiful sister/friend...they would have right in some sense..
..so in my half dream i took the bitten, dead boy to the snakes so they could see the scheme and so they would not fallow the provocations... was not sore if in that stage of reality i had her murdered or not... but there was also 2 outcomes now... 1) peace...and from there other outcomes like to look out for the real evil one... 2) someone from the snakes is the actual evil one...and now he/she organizes/provokes the attack... and he might co-operate with someone from my side for some new strange reasons...
endless..:)
then i really fade out from the dreamz worlds...

--

i will go and try to find breakfast now :)

.

see

:)

I will reply later... must run right now. But for now i can say: Thank You :)

about savior/ protector - a song

the secret thing is just a hedge

shes one of the last mates ive never kissed, was thinking about it lastly, its kind of protection? im afraid i would not treat it as fun, thats why was always avoiding it, hard thing to do, as we usually sleep hugging, since winter at least, several nights a week

well thats sad, im always so overfilled with emotions, feeling them materially, their weight inside

funny we r talking so openly, really like it, mr mental help :)

for now going to sleep, exhausted with painting

behave well on your wild parties :P


ps no, do not dare to behave well, your house is slytherin

with You i realized how blocked person am I, supressing my emotions. An You had this patience, smart questions - and weed (just a tool) -that made me keen on talking the last night in Tallin, about the concert and stuff.

what questions? havent seen any questions, my dear :))

yeah, and i'm using other comp now, with no speakers, so cant watch all these vids you sent me :( sad, cause i wanted to see this lsd things, and love as well, why not, although I suspect you have kind of scientific approach that would take all the pleasure of this passing period off

(- Yeah. Probably - said Margus with warm smile)

will send You the account number in a few days, need to find docs in parents house

curiosity: how did this broken credit card story ended? kind of funny :)

& how come u do not answer to must of my questins in last letters :D ?

what you mean "unblocked"? Its like a dream thing ?

Good morning!

I was talking to You yesterday, it lasted long, about some strange things. As if You unblocked me once again, like in the last night, and I was talking to You but found writing mails hopeless. But then, when she felt asleep, I wrote You a letter. Felt so excited on Your mentioning You would come here.

yeah, I cant afford this Amsterdam Cup, would love to come there anyway with You, but not for such money it obviously would cost.

YES!!! Yes, we can make our own cup in my room, its getting more and more psychedelic now, with half furnitures green. The sunlight reflects the floor in green, white walls are green lit as well. Love it and going back to work, I'm a painter, like Hitler, this small guy :)

Good night & hopping to find some more letters in morning with more feedback :)

Your last letter quaranteed my nice deep, relaxed sleep :))

aww @ Prince i meant :)
--

damn..typos are fun

these insomniac reflections were awesome, keep writing at nights, i feel a kind of intimacy while reading your half-unconscious stream of thoughts

for now i feel a transparent eye-ball, kind of observer that cant say have any desires, just let the others create the world around it, interfere with a space that emanate some powers i can be part of - and float upstream, just feeling pleasure of being an ultimate being with its own little mind, just let it flow

dont want to read this sentence back, hope it makes any sense. language is so limited a tool, mind is hopeless as well when starts working on words. would love to communicate with You on all the senses; smell, visualisations and suspended time as i perceive it

and smile looking in your eyes and feel this growing fear, it was so so strange

aww @ price... :)

so where is the other serval letters? :P

But it sounds u have a blast with the cleaning & decorating - that's how it should be :))

if u can. make some pic & send to me - from what you say it sounds really cool (cool vid would be also to make pic all the time and then put them in order with some animation with some nice song :P )
--
(actually i do feel soooo tired today, as i need to wake up 5... i really go to bed. )
--


So i run to sleep now (as i was up yesterday all night again, as you can see) - finished just listening http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html (as it was one related video) - usually i do not care listening so much about love but she was actually better then i thought for some reason :) -do ya have any comments on that subject? Would be educational topic for me if you can criticize/add something to there :)

But i love your energetic letters. To bad i can not give any real help jet about your last letter about her... but please keep me informed if you do not mind. Has she talked about the secret jet?
-

& share ur bank info pliz - (well i can make transaction in the start of upcoming month but still.. i better as it upfront)


Hmm..... bdw when exactly u can know if you can come to cannabis cup or not? I mean... if no Amsterdam then we make our own cup in Warsaw, right? ... and the pison vodga actually waits you still here - kind of suck to drink it alone or with someone else when ur not here :)

(K)

hi my Prince!

I feel so fragmented that will write You several letters now, why not.

the fridge thing is that it was unused for 10 years and is older than me (EVEN older!). the flat we moved into was inhabited for some time, so now we're cleaning. kind of relaxing and never-ending activity You v got in Your little psyche-pink-orange-wooden castle :)

have constructed a cupboard a few secs ago, its called Billy, so we r singing C'mon Billy now (see the link, love the singer! was listening to her all Paris, walking and listening to her)

and we just transported a basket for used clothes from the shop and baptised it, a name is: Torpedo and we are playing now its a little blue hedgehog Torpedo, a name ideal for sth that will stand in the bathroom corner without move. gonna whisper: 'Freeze, Torpedo!' each time i enter a bathroom :))

"and if i forget to ask in every letter (bank info)" *
---

besides this i was wondering why these kind of portals do not have feature to delete/change sent mail before recepiant is reading it...

and if i forget to mention in every letter this does not mean you should be shamed to put your bank account details here and go over the corners whit an hints, keep it straight with me, aaight? ;)

what did u keep in fridge as its needing so much work .P
But yes, all of your upcoming activities sound like interesting & fun - would love to take part of these also. (Y)


But yes, let's hope its not the 'savior' thing. But if you would be sore its not, would u still have some doubts, and if yes then what kind/why ?
Let's hope its a geniue thing and as long you feel it is - try to not spoil it with suspicious thoughts what it "might be" - as this action by himself might be damaging if you think about it to often. Important is to keep all issues open-mindedly as open as possible with the ones you share the life & issues themselves.

(probably) its not easiest task to trust the person and at same time keep the eye on the human & chemistry that ones mind can produce. ...besides trusting same time your own mind with your mind. But i think You make your best to make best of it :)

How boring would be life if all the important things would end up where we wanted to? & second to that - how plain would be life if there would be: complete endings.
There is no real ends - just new starts. Even about the ultimate end we have no proof - this makes all of it even more interesting imho.

so ... If one was not able to choose the end (lol, specially if the end existence is in jeopardy) then he/she should make bloody good start at least :)



does all this have something to do whit something about something? Or do i just have insomnia and write all my random thoughts here ? Would it be impossible.

Maybe

Maybe i try to get some sleep now .)

love this walk you described, really feel it

well im doing well, if not enthusiastic? just making a little break in cleaning the fridge (auch), and still feel excited. by freedom? by new possibilities? still drinking cheap champagnes... still with her. tomorrow gonna meet some friends, go to free science festival (lectures on nucelar wars or DNA), next week gonna participate in free etnomusic movies airied in the warsaw cross culture festival. maybe take part in djembe/african drums workshops. missed this city. and after 4 weeks (paris/biancavilla/tallin) finally coming bach to society life :))

she sat on my laps yesterday, cuddling and telling she's got a secret she cant tell me... think its gonna be clear next days, will be together. im a little afraid if its not her mania, deprresive addiction, medical dependance on the 'savior'. but still feel relief, finally, sth is gonna be decided. i feel its right thing, but still have some doubts, thats why im writing to u about my personal life, i think :)

how are You going, Margus? how is your work, broken credit card, and - the most important - you yourself? sorry for only mentioning some little details, but we live in materialistic world, dont we?

miss your speeches and pretty theories :*

Ola

No i will not poke you :D

---


Yesterday i was writting u a SMS when i walked in nightly city streets at 2 in night... but newer managed to send it :)
But yes.. it was so nice... fresh... quiet... a bit empty...outum warm night with yellow lights and trees that have started to change colors...
would have love to share this walk whit You some time in future:)

--

Anyway... how's moving out is going? How is family reacting to this ? How you doing? :) ... but really, how you doing ?

now u must add my grandma to your friends, then we can talk

have u dreamt tonight?

right now im in the fullfillment of my happiness: sitting in the new flat, drinking cheapest russian so-called champagne, making bubble-gum baloons and blowing soap bubbles with M.

need some animal collective as well :)

whatabout now?

---
this Purple Bottle song is damn kewl song, have been lisstening this many many times today :D

dont talk to u, u didnt poke me back.

pooooke meeee baaack...!! :((((

So you are back i asume :)

How is your lips besides other things?

Neil deGrasse Tyson

4:42

and now run for bus!

:D

Good!

But now... sleep and see something sexy!
Its an order!


(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K)(K) & :*

- it was almoust an owerkill ... but anyway
- no more messages from me today so u can get some sleep :P

SeeYa!
:*

surely i'll log in fb at 5 a.m. just to like you posts.

promise.

not to delete
& for extra like it

damn.. u language people :P

Awww

--
I let them know!
--
& in morning... like the links and jump to the bus...

cant wait!

(K)

i agreed not to like?

love logic :P :P :P

Same here, luckilly i try to fill this time with my seccond lovers - computers :P

bdw... i have some posts still for your wall you agreed to not delete and "like" :P

(and i've written to Karina about my visit in Tallinn but couldnt tell Karl cause we're not friends on fb. still hope we would go out all together one night)

bye! :* (so many tenderness today, you were not prepared)

ok go to sleep now. see you tomorrow night.

nice dreams!

Ola

wow look at the reconctruction of a greek girl from 5 century b.c.
they called her Myrtis. nice name, but strange face, really

computer simulation (and some stupid ads before)

you know I trust you - and its really something that you gained all my trust in several days (you internet people are so trustworthy, i know :P)

yeah, it would be really cool! try to find sth, please. i ve got more savings than i thought cause i got my scholarship and i'm eager to spend exactly this university money on sth illegal :D gaudeamus igitur, iuvenes dum sumus (dont know if its international, but in PL its an anthem of the students, you know, sang by academic choirs at inaugurations and such creepy ceremonies :D)

i'm so excited to see you tomorrow that dunno how i would manage to fall asleep. thats really amazing i will see you so qucikly after parting. but no - we cant count this as parting, it was too rush and inapropriate :))

important is to not try wrong things in wrong place - always better to be safe :)

I will try to see if we can find something real here. Estonia is one of the most expensive places for some reason for trying these things (no idea, weed costs like 2 times more then latvia etc). I mean all kind of crap and additives & poisons is easy to get and they are not expensive.. but psychedelics can be found only sometimes among special people for special price. But.. if the thing is real - the price is secondary issue :)

always confuses me when i see you left side of contacts as online but in the chat window as offline. arrh :P

yeah i have some general understanding of these issues. probably wrong, dont know. but really want to try it, for quite a time looking for chance to try, so thank you for these movies, as to prepare reasonably for such experience

i will try to watch any of them tonight, but for now have. ekhm.. 5h till my alarm clock starts torturing me in the morning :D

really happy to see your city :D and you, as well :D

& these links really was not mean by me to look all today... really : )

dont want ya to feel any pressure :)



wayting : )

(ps, the music thingy of-course is not really required if u really to not have time, but it will be good for you:)

in these kind of partys u go whit me... people u meet... soon this info is must (but as you are so well read.. i would not be surpriced at all if you know most of it anyways... but just in case u do not, here it is)
:)


first 2 videos look in full later, if u have time, other ones are short and fastly beneficial :)

& bdw have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdqKYGoCc1s about LSD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjvNCijeYlI (there is some good common knowledge also in this 40 minutes even thought it looks to light on the dangers at first. Like Dr. Nutt told: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUmAAMVdcok -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCChf2WHNE4 (0:37)- love this guy :P )

some more psy propaganda
from Nick Herbert :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFHRwwYTFh0
& Bill Hicks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AqkbuA9Um0
& http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6ki8RDzS1A (okey maybe also kind of to long one to look it all)

& for finishing up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVC0FcSRxL8 - ignore the 2012 thingy on title, there is lot of good points that i would want to believe was my original ones before i listen him and discovered that what i thinkd was nothing original :P

if u have only time for one - look the last one and tell me what u think :)

i like to get intelligent & educated people opinions, arguments, debates on these issues. this is one of the reasons i torture you with this. Specially cool as you have not used these things, so you have fresh mind, with no personal experience.

nono, ur not my lab rat..
...maybe a little, kind of , in some sence... really cute one :P

Awww...... first virtual kiss : ))

oh man u gonna kill me.. thought the estonians are so hospitable... but i will die there.. in 'remote woods of the country'...

i have never been to techno/house/antything party... never taken nothing more than some shit weed... will stick to u for all night just not to get lost... u will be remorseful till the end of your life!

(threw a spell, more succesfully, i hope)

ok now im leaving, maybe will listen to these tracks in the night :)

see u, u bad cruel man

ps. you didnt deserve but... :*

i will go and cook something for kadri now, she should arrive from work soon:)

will be back soon :P

Voluntary music test kind of thing, as i know u have so much time left over in last minutes :P
So here comes The tranciest post ever!

If you feel you have time... listen these/related tracks and tell me can you feel any difference or it to be different from ordinary club trance & how.
These tracts often are kind of like flight/story so you probably must listen about 2 minutes from start on to "get" them.


How you like this kind of style:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIL2ttBqTsM&p=829B78A524144E45&index=3 (they are from Isreal bdw)

& then then one of my favorites for other reasons also besides the music, 1200 Mic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Y0JD4dqEIo&p=829B78A524144E45&index=1 ... damn... look at these guys, they are around 70 soon :D

compared with
Dark & Full-On Psy Trance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NePb9x31k8&p=BCFC19A14011CE6D&index=18 </> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4sKhfZigSE&p=BCFC19A14011CE6D&index=27
(if u ask from me, i do not separate all of the 20+ psy/goa trance versions by my self, at all )


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1200_Micrograms
"The name 1200 Micrograms comes from Raja Ram taking an accumulation of 1200 micrograms of LSD during the week while working on the groups first album. Raja Ram told his friend Paul Taylor, "God Paul I took 1200 micrograms!"
Their music is known for the heavy use of themes related to mind/consciousness-expansion, and the various drugs which open the door to exploring new dimensions beyond normal consciousness." ehehe... just an hint if you was wondering why some of the music to vierd sounds :D

----------

& this track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qt2WbfotkU / http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1jPeG1LlaQ (live) - if i haven't send you this yet ... is a must to listen from start to end, in relaxed mind, eyes closed, laying down :P

same go's with most carbon based lifeforms tracks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtPTvyjtx3g

I do not make music my self but i have one new kind of interest to see how different people see different music, what they hear from it ... etc. Specially if its something new from them, how they mind will accept it. If something do not like.. then let me know what u did not like on what style/tracks. This knowledge helps me to prepare party's also for newbies in future, i have asked it from many .)
--

besides.. take it as soft course before ending up in underground psy party in remote location of Estonia woods... for an hint i can tell you that usually the party for naked eye is not as magical as it looks from the website description :)

ofcourse it is going to be in woods! :P


Transportation if we kicke most of the land will be about 100 there and back.

ok ive checked the weather, theres even colder in tallinn :D yeah great idea to come there in autoumn, i guess, just to get some sunbathing :P

ok Margus, concentrate and take me off the bus tomorrow cause my orientation skills are almost as bad as yours :P

and u didnt tell me about this peace-warrior-techno-party, is it gonna be in woods as well? should i wear sth party-like or better warm casual clothes? and is it for free? and how much does the journey cost? (train, fuel, whatever ur planning)

bla bla bla cant find any map of tallinn, strange, they dont consider it as a touristicaly valuable destiny :P

if something should happen (well, not think there will bot anyways) then you can take from bus station Tram 1 or 2 to Balti Jaam (balti train station) - there is Vana Kalamaja street right when u come of the tram. My house is in this street nr 36 (i think :P)
tickets buy from kiosk so you get them a lot cheaper and use them only when they come to control you to save even more :P

Kadris phone nr: +372 564 7930
--
There is an old saying among my friends: if something can happen.. it will happen whit me :P so just in case i give you some extra information if you do not find me from bus station :)

------

good news, Żubrówka costs the same price as normal wódka here, in Poland :P

ok some warm clothes, sleeping bag. wooden hut? sounds cool :D

Well, cant think of anything more from Poland as You come already :)
Do not waste to much money for goods, you need it here :P
The Zubrowka sounds cool:
"Because bison grass contains the toxic compound coumarin, which is prohibited as a food additive by the Food and Drug Administration, importing of Żubrówka into the United States was banned in 1978 by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms."

must try it if its not to expensive.

Sleep well in bus - there will be no sleeping in here :P
Actually my apartment as of now is pretty crappy as we moved in months ago and have not started whit any constuction yet. I spend some special time to find old wodden house in tallinn & i found it! No decent beds yet - but i hope you are used with hippy stile! :P

If you have take warm sleeping bag/nightClothes also for the woods & other things u can think of :)

i arrive at 23:15 here:
Tallinn: Central busstation, 46 Lastekodu Str., platform 13

and leave on Monday at 6:30

now tell me what u wish to get from Poland :) was thinking about big bottle of Żubrówka (40%), but you're free to choose :))

oh yeah, i'm really happy! couldnt sleep tonight

& i am really-really happy you come here : )

damn, only 2 cd's i had for burning the xp did not finish burning... after my laptops come from repair shop they are more broken then before..
anyway point is that i wasted all this time with computers for nothing (that i could have spend here, chatting) as i still was unable to finish it up by morning as planned.
this kind of things kind of piss me off :D
----

anyways... sweet dreams now : ))

about 6.5 euros - 100eek .. its about 3 euros per day :)

but bus ride there is more expensive. I think i wil hicke to Tartu at least and from there maybe take bus that is about 70 eek.

Tartu is great place bdw - italy wanna make next project there also :)

i have no idea where u want me to come, really. will follow u blindly. it looks strange, these 'warrior of peace&love' posts and psyche-kinds of music.

for now i can only say: you warned me :D

cant find on their website how much does it cost, entrance is free or what?

great, i really cant wait :)))

ok, i leave on 20 but would like to arrive on 15 if its possible from my side. will check it tommorow, ok?

and will bring u the gift personally :D almost finished :D

@ song: didnt know neither this one, nor any of the kind. but like it, its addicting

only the name of the band reminds me of Autechre, this ummer i v been to their concert - or how to call it? two man in black performing strange flow of sounds at the dark scene. it made me sth wrong with the head, we were lyinf on the ground and i was shaking, dont know if of the cold or these strange things they made to us

& what about (kind of) this kind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W-QXQpiTUU&p=829B78A524144E45&index=32

?

as these 2 are probabaly main types of music that play there.

just wanna make sore you know where you come :P

i forget to ask.. do u lissten also music like that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB3kaviEy_k&p=3BA43413CE9085F4&index=14 ?

u can arrive eralier if you want & leave later - no problem. I am sore you can find ways to spend time in tallinn even if i am not around all the time : ))

ok let it be 16-20
but it takes 17 hours to get by bus, so i would get to tallin at 23:15 on Thursday and leave at 6:15 on Monday

i can arrive earlier, but if u need time for work till 16, then ok

and dont worry, u work, i visit the town :))

now now now

i mean ... its damn hard times on this & next month for me probabaly but... i hate winters. for sore we can think out something :)

so "now" you mean 16 ... 20+ ? :)
Then i would have some time to finish up some things before 16th.

the party is in the other corner of estonia where no one ends up usually. I mean - i havent end up there before :D

well two ways ticket on eurolines bus is sth like 50 euros and i have almost 100 for the rest of the holidays, that is till the end of september. and have some things to do next week, so the choice is: now or maybe somewhere in winter?

i have never been to estonia, its gonna be fun there, i think :)

i really was thinking that i end up there before you here...

You did manage to surprise me :)

yes they was rhyming one ways and different ways...
anyway, does not matter :P

jup, im installin.. i mean i start to install, i just transfered files for now
--

You really wanna come to estonia ? : )))
This would be ... ( cool, wicked cool? lovely, awesame? what is the right word? :P ) anyways... i would really like this plan :)

... when i was looking before... the bus here and back from warsav is 70 euros.. u come whit bus ?

On 17th there is one of these years last open air partys in middle of Estonia.. http://equinox.psyhest.com / http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=156584427687636 - i try to go there (as there is no savings on my accounts lol)

So when exactly you plan to come ? :))

was it rhyming?

ru still reinstalling things on your comp?

(feel stupid posing only questions :P)

anyway, i've checked my bank account and it seems ive got some savings i can spend for the last thing these holidays
- and wonder if u want me to come to tallin this week?

no really. it was pay for my recress life i guess
i just forget it behind one apartmat i lived in short period of time

but yeah, something to remeber - the poems i do not remeber anymore, ever :)

thats lovely u rewrote all poems to one booklet. copmuters have no souls. and theres nothing more personal than handwriting

theres a dramatic story hidden underneath your remarks, i feel. what really happened to your work? who destroyed it?

anyway, i had some contact with doing poetry, some of my friends are really into it. there was a time we had a debut, performed it, even got some money for writing. we usually participated in competitions, like One Poem Tournament where you go on scene, read sth new and give it to jury, there's a big scene in warsaw, the best one maybe in Pl, once we were in jury, but so fucked up with hangovers that only made some jokes with verdict. but for now i dont write anymore, as have nothing to say in poetry. want to start novels, but for this i need better skills.

actually i'd love making collages, both words and visuals. this is a new tool, not only printings on A4 paper. Visual poetic novels, want to do this.

i would have eat the dog if it would have been a dog :P

no i forget it behind once ... i rewrtie all poems in to one booklet.. destroy the originals... and then i lose it all :D

oh god, what happened? a dog ate your notebook?

i would murder it

well not so big fan after i lost all my life long poetry at one time :D but yes.. sometimes i like

but surprice me :)

what kind of poem do u mean?
you like poetry?

& bdw... yesterday i wished u would write me a poem... :)

mmm.. cant wait : )

no! sth more personal and lasting. u can choose the way of getting it :P

awww : ))

preparing online striptease for me `? :)

horray :)

hey im doing sth for u, hope u will like it :)

:P
Okey, this is better now, i got message now faster : )

in that case i must come back to school of witchcratf and wizardry due to my hopeless skills

it worked... but a bit late :(

.. i'm fixing my computers & reinstalling things

please

(im a little wizard, threw a spell)

dont know, but rather not. there are 27.000 Wasilewskis in Poland and my own ancestors are believed to have been russian/ukrainian peasants. my grandparents can hardly read and i would be the first of Wasilewskis to take a degree so it seems impossible to have a politician in past.

but i agree, it would be so romantic to have such a tragic persona in my family tree

-----

if u happened to arrive here, i would hold your hand and exit my family house to avoid questions. and what would happen in the yard, that depends entirely on our moods

see u later

ps definitely should get some points for being so serious instead of usual jokes, waiting for my prize!

yeah it was really something, the dream today. or rather what was happening at night, cant say if was it a dream or if i really touched maria. funny i have never seen jesus, always her - or all the whole old testament hell where the voice of justice utter my eternal condemnation and sentence to being pulled apart by wild pigs on the sanctuary floor.

funny one of my friends calls me a prophet and said she wants to illustrate my bible. anyway i guess a biblie illustrated by her would be even greater bestseller than the recent one :)

Damn.. your todays dream topped again the last ones from different corner - i like it! :)
& i thought i have troubled dreams sometimes... lol

I love your fantasy & dreamworld (besides many other things) keep it up pliz : )

--

will be back later, longer :)

But with out sarcasm.. u have near by realatives who are directly realted to the famous Wasilewska i mentioned before or not ? :)

--

i wonder... what would you do if i end up in your kichen with letter i try to send you like in dream? :D

& what means grahamka ?

--

todays dream was... something about camp i was... and there was all other country teams... and i as usual did not hang whit my country team to the last minute... cant almoust remeber anything.. was to tired i guess.


anyway... see ya sooon : )

yeah, it's allllll over now ;)

ok it's over

nope, free week or no week at all, if i want to choose my own interpretation i will read a bible or listen some top politician

yeah some of the lyrics are pretty pretensional
but they put really hard work into their art, when i watched them at concert, noticed that none of them smiled even once :D

ok sarcasm free week? no way, too difficult. but will try

u know its easier with sarcasm cause when ur completely lost on what i say and what i really mean, then u can just start choosing youre preferable interpretation :P

bdw love your letters & as it was in the reply for a dream hard at some point to understand where sarcasm ended or started i have an idea:
a sarcasm free week, let's try that :)

Didn't someone told you to try new things in life?

well, the idea about that was actually already before yesterday so not directly related to todays messages or anything.

---
Outside the window cat & dog are fighting...
---

about the song - well, interesting alternative. usually i choose not to like songs where words pain, love & afraid co-exist but the ending was fixing it up imho. i will listen it more later to get it more.
I do not believe in life pain
--
but yes.. the mailbox thing was strange... it was somewhere in the widow and wall... and box was inside. certainly the Italian old looking mailbox would have come handy in my dream... then again - i would not had a chance to cuddle You.. :)


weee ur online!

ur back?

What a wonderful world....
The End!


& offline you aar :P

u gonna give me instant reports on it every 10 minutes? gosh u will kill the movie :D

no really, watch it in rest, dont be distracted, im talking with sb, thats why i'm available on chat now :)

see u in 30 minutes :)

movie is more interesting then the plot description of the movie but not one of the mest movies i have seen.
kind of different

about 45 minutes more i think :)

/huggs

and today while washing the flat, we were really worried about one grave issue: why there are NO JOKES on pheasants?! :D

immediately we started inventing some, all of them ended with:

"and a pheasant said: we're not in Kansas anymore"

dont know how this Kansas came to our minds but - imagine - this deep masculin voice in western-like settings and: we're not in Kansas anymore. it became kind of usual remark on the recent situation since we made it up in the morning :D

really love mornings afterwards, they r always the most creative and relaxed moments to share our unlimited thoughts and silly associations :D

how was the movie?

by the way (still doubling the number of your msg) i signed in lectures on geopolitics of european integration: east and south dimension

- and next year gonna be a specialist in numbers connected to energy resources or knowledge society - and then beware! gonna win all discussions with my deep and proper opinions (to make the state of issues the other way round) :D

(unfortunately i woke up too late with registration to find a place in 'analysis of communist manifestos', shame on me, cause i love their language and bravery to be such idealistic and out of reality in the age of developemnt and factories)

last summer all my friends were reading Ulisses by J. Joyce and only me reading Marx&Engels, the same amount of fictionality in it, but worse dialogues

hihi just used sloganmaker.com and got this:

A piece of holokaust for everybody, everyday.

12 monkeys? what u mean? :D

i dont know u v got the same, but as far as i remember, i always attach people to a band/a song, so tightly, that when i hear the song, i see the face of a man and take a message of the song as a message from a man. its unconcious, just one day i realize that for example radiohead is absolutely the same tenderness and being lost and sense of fear as one of my friends, lets call him R.

and then when i listen to radiohead, i see R and think about him. and when dream about R, always choose this band. And sometimes, when feel anxiety and cant understand whats happening with me, i notice that im repeating one song of radiohead and then catch up that im thinking about him

and since i came back home, im thinking that i cant find a sonf for u, but lets try with this one

as soon as i finish my 12 monkeys i will be back:)

so strange then you switched to "total alertness" but anyway

well all this image was so tender, thats why i didnt answer u immidately, cause after reading it i was like lying with arms beneath my head and smiling to my (green) ceiling

now would like to give u a song that came to my mind, but dont know how to attach it here?

she would smile and react reasonably probably :)

Ok u estonians are faaar more talented. I mean both a picture (great mailbox!) and a story. Like especially this colorful long letter i'd love to receive. And this cuddling part of your fabulous scenario was no bad as well :)

Actually its pretty lyrical, you v got uncommon imagination, resembles some child's freedom of mind and happy afirmation. These colours, like this lucy in the sky drawing, really like it.

if i was to be in sb's head for a moment, i would choose yours

Wonder how would Kadri react if u told her u dreamt about sb else?

heeey be happy that i did not totally sexually assaulted you after i committed burglary :D


But this boy is wicked cooool!
---

anyway... share your thoughts, no thought is "to much" for me as long its not bs :)

ok in the meantime, you estonians are so talented, but we poles are not so far behind you, watch this 8y boy dancing (skip first 60 sec)


(perfect for my hangover)

http://mamtalent.plejada.pl/37114,wideo,,198216,mam_talent_poznaj_najmlodszego_hip-hopowca_na_swiecie,aktualnosci_detal.html

lol, hope the alcohol comment was not to much as it maybe come out to harsh (wasn't meant to), as its not really my business or anything & i will not start to nag on you about these things, no problems :)

anyways.. the dream thing
--

and if u ask why its written so badly? Well.. no time to fix it up, i write it in all one thought line, non stop, no thinking

Well.. it was that i was writing u a letter.. on paper... it was like fat one whit lot of colorful pages, pictures kind of things.... writings in capital leter... etc. half kind of paintings or something... folded to 4'th if i remember right...
anyway.. i send the letter.... but i send it whit my self... i mean i was posting it it to your house mailbox that was directly connected whit your kitchen aria or something - small, yellow house...
anyway... when i slipped in the letter... but then i wanted it to not have my name & address on as it would be better surprise - besides i bring it my self to your house so there was not need to usual mail name & aadress... so i was sore i should slip in (to the house) and take the letter out and ... i do not know.. somehow get rid of my name & info on the envelope (im sore i had some good ideas in the dream for that, maybe new envelope or something).
so from here a bit remember bad... but when i was tring to take out the letter from your house in early morning hours (i was inside) then i made some noises there...
then YOU come out from back room but YOU had your sister body & bikinis if i remember right - maybe because i only have seen your sister in bikinis & not you :D:D .. i mean it was not 1:1 but i remember thinking in morning... "damn.. it looked exacly like the sister pic on my HD". ... so anyway... then also your brother come out - was pretty chill out and nice (no idea if you have a brother but it felt like that on this moment... not like boyfreind) ... so then you saw me... smiled nicely... was not like to much surpriced that i was there and then i just kind of put my hands around you from behind you and cuddled you and started like almost kiss you behind your ear...
then to make things more interesting.. i wake (kind of:p) up... i was thinking "this was one realistic nice dream" ... then Kadri in real life give me few soft kisses and when i looked her it was you! :D then.. it happen once more and it was still you... :D ... then i was like "okey, this is really nice and sweet but i must now really wake up before i say something dumb to her :D " so i swits my mind to total alertness...
... then i falled back to sleep... and it continued a little bit...

Well... this is short version kind of a much i remember. Usually i do not remember at all anything or only really small part.
--

i made some other tasks before

lol, yes :P

cant wait for this dream. ur still writing it down, you little dostoyevsky? :)

ok captions they gave are far tooo funny and too technical NASA language to translate, but believe me, drunk students of engineering and one future polish lit teacher on high are so suprisingely creative and give eruditional remarks on their work :D

bdw the link u give:

This content is currently unavailable

The page you requested cannot be displayed right now. It may be temporarily unavailable, the link you clicked on may have expired, or you may not have permission to view this page.

Nothing special whit the ants, this what i write was basically it - no greater wisdom in my dream :)


& the story in the other hand... well - i wrote this because u just send me one SMS & nothing more :P ... i was walking to a party and thought to send u something weird to read :P
then later on i remembered u had a party so i was not anymore so distracted about why u did not write me back in fb .. i was at first :)

but still... can u please keep me updated whit SMS's next time when you feel down? No guarantee i will be always able to help, no guarantee even that i know always what to answer or that i will answer always ... but i promise i do almost always my best for this moment & situation, on this time, to help you out from bad mood :)

& PS: i do not wanna suppress your expression of freedom, how you like to spend your free time or anything but in my personal opinion - so much alcohol does not help You, and almost certainly will be bad in long run :)

anyway.. about the dream..

About this spaceship, it was like i found a hill of strange trash like watermelons, toothsticks, cd player, plates, bottles, corks, corkscrew, broom and my shoes and there were four guys in the middle of heated discussion like this:

Kk, there's no cockpit, but that is why we used a miniaturizer. Now we need to focus on diodes malfunction and find out how to put Laika inside and shoot her into Jupiter. Oh no, recent researches shows that it's not a planet but a moon. So for now we must work harder on black box.

It was like 4:00 and in the morning when leaving they said that it must be parked here untill they will be sober enough to go on street :D

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=528742&fbid=160346607309269&id=100000017912776&ref=nf

actually when i was so unconscious that narely stood on my feet (still participating in the party, we are the strongest!), my friend told me i look rather sad. and i said: lets dance.

so seems like rather bad mood as for no sign of interest from your side, poor little ola


what was your dream? what are these ants youre obsessed with? how did u see me today?

no really, u was not angry right ? :)

so pay me back whit 2 times of the amount of messages, please :P

do u realize i was so agry all saturday cause i had no news from u

and now see a pack of messages here

strange :)

& did the spaceship fly away? Tell me more about space ship - wtf. this was way to cool, where in tha heck do you live?? :D


I just finished 2nd part of Poter. If there would not be endings when he fight whit the bad - with extremely cheap special effects, it would be even better ;)
Liked it so far :)

do not wanna spam ur mailbox like obsessed boy but just wanna tell ya that i had interesting dream today - realistic one.
Tell you once ur back online :)

is that how slavery and corporations started? xD

lol, i know its 15 minutes to get started most basic but this does not mean i have time for this, i explain why

actually thing is i have this obsession whit some strange details and when i start to work on something i will overwork some useless details like 7+ hours.. i have done it far to often :D & this is actually the real problem - the time :)

no really, successful usually is the one who finds the way to do most with other people :D
no one cant learn everything - important is to find the ones who know something deeply and then connect the powers whit others who know different things.

but still...

Good night :)

:*

oh c'mon its 5 minutes to learn pinnacle and additional 10 to get the tricks from ulead. future is in the hands og the amateurs, always believed in it :D

i googled k'naan and like it, has some energy that would fit some memory slide show

anyway, after your 'i need workers to fulfill my ideas' remark i can only say: you estonians are born leaders :D

good night!

i might have ideas for making some cool things but usually i need other people to make them true :P

wast there option in facebook where from one can see what movies one like etc?
ehehe, anyway, there is A LOT of music i do not know and i like - this one was cool for example u used. well, K'naan - In The Beginning kind of things are also good for videos i guess - well, it did work for Harold & Kumar 2 why not for me.

actually i have dreamed about making cool videos and some alternative movie projects.. etc.. but newer took the time to learn the editing programs properly (but i was eager to download them all already 10 years ago :D .. but downloading alone did not help much).

damn, now i like you even more then before,
not sore if its a good thing as i liked you already alot before :D

sure i want! but for now i dont even know what music u like. and movies etc. u will not like my work if i was to create sth from your personal stuff

yeah im not happy with the ending, lack of patience :-(

well actually my two fav spare time activities are creating videos and making collages (except for destroying mp3 and cameras)

bdw i did not know u make a video editing, i really must send all the orig. videos to you so u might think out some cool ideas whit these if there happens to be some good ones :)

if ya want to

(bdw ending of video cold have been smooth imho, everything else was way cool)

yes, i get 50c for every new victim

its just a gmail whit a chat. u must enable it if its not (+ u can add video/audio chat addon to it, so the cyberSex would be even better:P )

yeah i adjusted my fav song, Fireworks by the Animal Collective

ps they pay you for such ads? :D ok i will log in it, whatever it is

No please do (the last part of your message)

But yes, the gTalk is a part of gMail - and is also available whit stand alone client besides the one what comes whit gmail. does everything from calling to land lines (cheaper then skype) to personalized answer box & fast file transfer & other things (like paly yt videos in chat or flixer albums). So yeah, i prefer it to chat. blaa blaa back to letter now :P
---

But yes.. i wish there would have been more days to get to know You, more freetime to chill together :)
----------------
----------------
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okey i quit the letter as i saw the video... did you make it ??
This is WAYYYY coool & well done!!!

this is first video i want to really upload to my fp page for real!

guess gTalk is the shout on gmail?

well i dont know much about u but from what iv learned could say that sth new came into my life. people are like ideas and i know i can do anything i want - or need - with it and can tell u now that i feel ur a beautiful person and have this kind of harmony im eager to call wisdom. so feel now that must observe u to understand sth abot me. u know thats the way we learn about ourselves, in comparison to the others.

i really wish to spend more time in your companionship, these three-four days were so confusing to me; i was angry that couldnt find enough time to observe and think about whats happening. some things were purely emotional, some unintentional. but this break now is essential as well, to see myself in the old environment. and check whether this fascination wasnt just an effect of hot climate and amazing landscape (joke).

happy to have the party tommorow, think a bit about my friends, they r my achievements.

a bit paulo coelho style, sorry for that. wish to express myself better. and sorry for being so concentrated on me, but still dont know u as much.

probably i must not distract u from your work with another 250 words essay on the meaning of life

& gtalk chat saves history also, so nothing is lost ;)

well, i will insert top secret stamp in that case ;)

I added you to my gTalk so there is bigger chance to see you in online chat :P

To be honest i like gTalk more then fb chat as its really crappy one here imho. But of-course better then nothing. blaa blaa blaaa... okey

so ummm i just do not know how to react to compliments as to be honest i have not used to take them easily. & im not brilliant or anything like that, no really - i am not : )
Open minded yes... critical ... pretty much yes. But not only critical. But it does make me happy if girl like you does find she has something learn from me & does it.

But be warned... my ideas are like viruses, they might spread all over you and u might start to infect other people, etc... works kind of like Dennett idea of memes

----
but yeah... these people piss me off also. & then they end up in boring 8 to 5 jobs they hate or whit job they think they like with bad relationship & high monthly payments to slave next 30+ years. & then after that they think they are to old to enjoy the life. but yeah, nothing new u haven't heard/thinked about before - as whit most depressing ideas & outcomes in this world :)

i will try to send u video also soon :)

yeah, send it, guess shes really special

ola.dublewe@gmail.com
(this mail shown on fb is a trap for spammers)

frankly, im still thinking about your education and stuff and im really impressed ur so brilliant person that could have done it all himself. i mean u speak english better than majority of international projects guys and know far more and its so amazing. its only because of your eagerness and unusual intelligence. hard to find a person so open-minded and critical, thats why im impressed. and probably im really lucky i could learn sth from u, already learnt, but will be more, i hope.


and for now im really pissed off with all my friends that have so many opportunities to get to know anything they wish, but are too lazy to go into.

hope u know what i mean. ur a wizard, should go at hogwarts

:P:P

Yes i made some videos also. about her i have some photos also, i can send later :)

but i have besides this real work also to do... and all my other personal things..

oh these kinds of construction you meant yesterday while talking bout too many work? :) have u got some photos of this (and her)?

as i supposed, u will need to retell me some details of your personal life cause i was a way too ekhm tired then

btw i'm just shaking with nerves cause tommorow will destroy traditional sunday breakfast telling parents im not gonna live with them next year. as for now i prepared them fruit salad with vanilla ice cream to remember how lovely daughter am i, cunning :D

holiday yourself to Estonia also :P

i just make construction work with this little girl, i was talking about, she was working with cordless drill.she is way to cool :D

i was reading in the morning a document of pl-vat concordate, as i support the citizens action for getting a referendum concerning re-signing it after 18 years. and as i was talking with u, wanted to check how it works in est and couldnt have found it in engl so i thought maybe ur in some strange way adjoined to previous ussr concordate or sth?

now im playing with another toys, boredom, holidays :)

word is Konkordaat bdw :)

why u would need that in Estonian?

insert a top secret stamp (u like stamps, i ve noticed)

can i share it whit post office?

a cd

Ola Wasilewska
ul. Kościuszki 3/11
05-091 Ząbki
Polska

do not share it